So much immaturity.So hard to deal with.

[misuniadziubek]

He readded me to Facebook last Thursday after a week of blocking me.I was reluctant to accept because I'm so tired of the constant adding/deleting cycles. It's irritating.

He posted something on my wall that frankly I find really misleading and biased and it's related to something personal that happened in my family. It was insulting.

Today he posted another thing related to it himself and this time he was making fun of religious people being stupid. I was raised Catholic. I don't believe that has much to do with my intelligence.

So I confronted him on that.

Me:You're strange

Bf: Why

Me:that thing you posted

about [blank]

Bf: Sarcasm?

Of course I sarcasm.

Me: yes, that

Bf: It draws in those stupid f***ers that are all godsy

then they realize it's sarcasm and get to feel retarded

Me: okay

do you have a lot of those on your fb?

Bf: K

Me: Well you posted stuff on my wall too

About [blank]. That's painful for me to see

And then he blocked me. No more conversation. And I feel horrible right now. Alone. Like he isn't ever willing to understand why I take that stuff so personally.

I'm not sure how to be with someone who blatantly mocks my feelings like that. I don't care if the world doesn't agree with me, that it's the status quo to mock people's beliefs. I'm always going to take it personally.

To give some light to this, think of it as me being pro-life due to personal experience, and him mocking people who aren't pro-choice for being backwards in their beliefs.

I'm not texting or contacting him at this point. He'll later justify it as me -nagging- him too much and that he isn't going to put up with it.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[misuniadziubek]

You know, I'm really resentful at this point. So much so that I want to kick him down a peg. I'm not having the greatest of days, and I don't get to have any solace in my significant other. Not even a video chat. Nothing.

I want to cry. I feel really alone and I'm terrible at dealing with rejection/loneliness. It just hits me straight in my self-esteem. Suddenly every horrible thing that I've ever thought about myself comes roaring back like a tidal wave, so much insecurity.

Sometimes I feel like I tie my self-worth to how well we are getting along.

Other days I couldn't care less if he's having one of his mood swings. It doesn't affect me.

I wish I didn't feel so weak. I wish I wasn't so vulnerable to this. This triggers something in me that is stronger than I've ever been able to handle.

[OffRoad]

I don't do social media, except forums. And I don't miss it. It's way too Jr. High to stress over who blocks whom and what they post on your wall. Give yourself a break and don't accept next time he unblocks you. Get more corporeal friends so you won't have to worry about the virtual ones.

I'm sorry he's being so emotionally clueless, but some people with BPD are just that way.

[misuniadziubek]

I don't do social media, except forums. And I don't miss it. It's way too Jr. High to stress over who blocks whom and what they post on your wall. Give yourself a break and don't accept next time he unblocks you. Get more corporeal friends so you won't have to worry about the virtual ones.

I'm sorry he's being so emotionally clueless, but some people with BPD are just that way.

Since we are long distance, Facebook is pretty much our core platform for keeping up with each other and saving on international phone and text fees. We used to Skype but he would regularly hang up on me the moment I said something he didn't like. If he blocks me it's like he's blocking me from his life. Making it impossible for me to message him, see his photos, take interest in his life.

I moved continents two years ago and it's also where I get most of my communication from family and old colleagues and friends. It might seem immature to you, but it holds value to me.

[EaglesJuju]

I understand how frustrating this can be for you.    It is a virtual version of the push/pull.  

I understand how upset you were. It is invalidating when our own feelings and needs are not being addressed.  

Looking back at the conversation, do you think it could have went differently?

And then he blocked me. No more conversation. And I feel horrible right now. Alone. Like he isn't ever willing to understand why I take that stuff so personally.

It is frustrating coping with this type of behavior. It is reminiscent of a three-year old having a temper tantrum when they do not get their way. PwBPD have the emotional maturity of a three year old.

Have you tried talking with him about the way you feel?

[Jessica84]

Sometimes I feel like I tie my self-worth to how well we are getting along.

Other days I couldn't care less if he's having one of his mood swings. It doesn't affect me.

Sorry, I know it hurts to be cut off like you don't matter. No wonder your self-esteem keeps taking a beating.

But maybe you can look at it another way to help you take it less personal? Most likely he blocks you out of sheer impulsivity not even thinking of how it affects you. It may seem like he's trying to punish you but it's probably his way of coping with his own feelings and a strange way to protect himself. Then later when he calms down he unblocks... . it's a vicious cycle. Sorry, I'm not sure how you can end the cycle?

On another note... . on the days you're not affected by his mood swings, what is different about you? Maybe on the bad days you can try to remember how you're able to be unaffected other days? I know I'm a lot less affected by my bf's drama when I'm in serious work mode. It's when I stop working that my mind might wander back to him. Often by then the storm has passed and he starts being civil again so at least I had a productive day and didn't replay the latest drama all day in my head.

Figure out what keeps you unaffected by his mood swings and do more of that.

[misuniadziubek]

I understand how frustrating this can be for you.    It is a virtual version of the push/pull.  

I understand how upset you were. It is invalidating when our own feelings and needs are not being addressed.  

Looking back at the conversation, do you think it could have went differently?

It is frustrating coping with this type of behavior. It is reminiscent of a three-year old having a temper tantrum when they do not get their way. PwBPD have the emotional maturity of a three year old.

Have you tried talking with him about the way you feel?

I've told him I don't appreciate him blocking me and that it causes me pain. He responded with 'good. Maybe next time you'll learn to not nag me so much." In that instance I'd smothered him by trying to figure out what was wrong. This was a learning moment because I realised that no matter how badly I want to know what's wrong, I need to let go and let him come to me instead when he's ready.

The conversation could have gone differently had I been in a different emotional state. I was having a bad day, so I was coming off as complaining about him. It's fine. Eventually he'll move on. Or he won't. I've come to terms with it. The action hurts, but eventually I accept it.

On another note... . on the days you're not affected by his mood swings, what is different about you? Maybe on the bad days you can try to remember how you're able to be unaffected other days? I know I'm a lot less affected by my bf's drama when I'm in serious work mode. It's when I stop working that my mind might wander back to him. Often by then the storm has passed and he starts being civil again so at least I had a productive day and didn't replay the latest drama all day in my head.

I deal with the situation by reminding myself that I'll be fine even with his actions. That he's very ambivalent and changes from one moment to the next to cope.

I go out and see friends. The moments when I'm least affected are days when I'm most logical and can read him. It's days of healthy interactions, because even if he starts to rage, I have a high level of self-esteem and my values and boundaries are strong and in tact. Then the conversations are affectionate and he calms down quicker. I know his dysregulation is temporary and as long as I don't invalidate him it will be over soon enough.

The days I'm most affected by him and less able to respond properly are times when I'm hormonal or generally feeling insecure. It's like a phase I go through. I'm not as good maintaining boundaries or communicating. His rages the feed my insecurity and I become irrational and he takes advantage of that to put all the blame on me.

Regardless of what sort of day I'm having, being blocked or hung up on still feels terrible and abandoning. It's by refraining from messaging him while I'm still feeling the hurt that I can make it better. It's like pretending it never happened. Except it did.

[OffRoad]

Since we are long distance, Facebook is pretty much our core platform for keeping up with each other and saving on international phone and text fees. We used to Skype but he would regularly hang up on me the moment I said something he didn't like. If he blocks me it's like he's blocking me from his life. Making it impossible for me to message him, see his photos, take interest in his life.

I moved continents two years ago and it's also where I get most of my communication from family and old colleagues and friends. It might seem immature to you, but it holds value to me.

I find HIS behavior on FB immature. It is very Jr. High school level. (I realize I'm the bizarre one who emails each person I want to keep in contact with individually.) If that is the only way you can keep in touch with him, then you have to accept that he is going to continue to un-friend you and write things you may not like. It isn't going to change unless you do something different. He has all the power to  make you miserable (depending on the day, of course) and he knows it or he wouldn't do it. Do you have any choices where you might get different results?

[Jessica84]

I understand... . that feeling that they can say and do whatever they want and once the feeling has passed for them, it's like it never happened. They don't get that our feelings last awhile longer. We're more stable and consistent. We suffer until enough time has passed for us to heal from the injury, or we get a resolution to the matter. They don't fully understand this. Their feelings are so fleeting they think we're the crazy ones for still feeling hurt by their actions.

Resolving conflicts isn't their thing. It's on us. I've come to the painful conclusion that we can't always rely on them for validation. So we have to give ourselves the resolution we crave. This sounds like what you are able to do when you are unaffected... . you wisely separate him from the disorder. The tricky part is staying in this logical place when you're feeling vulnerable, insecure or hormonal... . I wish I knew how to do that myself!

[Grey Kitty]

How about blocking him on FB, while he's got you blocked? And not letting him re-friend you / etc.?

You don't seem to have positive interactions with him on social media... .why subject yourself to bad ones?

[JohnLove]

Hi misuniadziubek. Don't feel bad that you it's sometimes water off a ducks back and that other times it gets you way down. This person is supposed to be your emotional support. Life ebbs and flows and sometimes you need a little more support. When it is not given freely by your partner it is abusive. When it is taken away it is even WORSE. Simple as that.

The blocking/unblocking is a control issue. Specifically him being controlling. Recognise it for what it is. It will help you to cope. It is also abusive.

Just my take on your situation. Sorry I dont have anything more positive.