BPD mind games?

[Chicagobloo]

Hey guys, have some back ground info here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339875.msg13086036#msg13086036

So last december me and my mom had a huge argument and it resulted in my mom calling her to get some scoop on what was going on with me (going through alot at the time) and she told my mom about my drug problem i used to have and everyhting she could mention. That resulted in her texting me telling me "i know youre not gonna respond, and i dont need you to but call your mom and talk to her" at that time i havent had contact on my end in 3 months. I still didnt respond as i felt that this was a charm she could use against me. me and my mom ended up fixing things so that was a plus. but in may (8 mos no contact on my end) i unblocked her from facebook and seen a post she made years ago congratulating me on graduating and reacted to the post with a heart( should have never unblocked as she stalks me on facebook hardcore as she knows everything im doing and the girls i talk too). i wasnt looking for a response per say but more of like a signal to her that im not mad or anything anymore and have let go. she messages me about why i reacted to it and i state because it was a good time in my life and she tells me she was just wondering why i did. i tell her ok and then ask her how shes been and she says fine but then goes into this argument about me deleting our pictures from facebook, i dont care about her, what happened to my recent girlfriend, and just wanted to argue with me. I told her that just because im not with ehr doesnt mean i dont care about her and want her to be ok and again went to why do i care all of a sudden... next day she texts me at night asking if she can ask me a question. ofcourse i obliged and was ghosted for a day and then hits me with if i wish things were different between us and i say yes. i wish things didnt end so badly as i care for her and again she ghosted me until the next morning telling me she was just wondering... i ask to meet up and tells me "not trying to do that" so i leave it at that and text her a couple days later asking how she is... and nothing. 3 weeks go by i get completely plastered and bombard her with calls and texts (im bpd myself but still upset i did that cuz i dont do that sorta thing)
She calls my mom the next day to threaten me with police but doesnt message me till later in the day, sending me a scripted text and i shut her down telling her i could careless and a bunch of other mean stuff to hurt her and shes doing the same. I block her for 5 months (also deleted all social media thats still deactivated) and early november i unblock her as i felt i moved on from the anger and wasnt expecting her to reach out but 3 days later she sends me a blank text late at night (as if trying to see if i still have her blocked) and i dont respond because i didnt know what to say to that but a week or so goes by and i text her saying hi and shes blocked me... at this point i dont even know what to think as i feel like shes been trying to see if ive unblocked her the whole time she has been. idk if shes happy with whoever shes with but i dont know why block me if i never responded to her and i didnt message her in the first place. she could have blocked me also when i did and just left it at that. is she trying to one up me or trying to erase me? IDK!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

How do you want to relate to her in real life?

[Chicagobloo]

I’d like to fix things but idk it feels impossible now

[Cat Familiar]

Fix things in what way? And what kind of relationship do you envision?

[Chicagobloo]

Well fix things as both work it out not just on my end, and I’d like to be with her again

[Cat Familiar]

So how do you imagine your relationship would be—in detail? Living together, dating, marriage as a goal?

[Chicagobloo]

Well we were together 6.5 years and lived together for 4.5 years(broken up for 1.5 now). I’m 25 and she’s 24 so relatively young still so started in high school and I imagine doing everything we planned and yes marriage. I have a feeling she’s not over it just like I’m not

[Chicagobloo]

We were engaged also but everything turned very toxic due to a drug problem I had and alcohol problem but the first couple years were filled with turmoil on her part I will say but I kept forgiving but she did end up calming down a few years later but at that point I started my addictions. Not because of her but a lot of it had to due with all the stress I had

[Cat Familiar]

Have you addressed your responsibility for the relationship breakdown with her? And has she admitted her part as well?

[Chicagobloo]

I have stopped my drug problem and I’ve stopped drinking everyday to just when I’m with friends on the weekends. And no she hasn’t. I feel like she won’t but whenever we get into a conversation it switches all on me. A few months after we broke up she had a couple weeks of just messaging me asking me why she wasn’t good enough and just playing the victim in ways but I tried to let go of the past and try to be how I am to everyone to her that I care about but I’m met with hostility when I don’t give her the response she’s looking for. I feel like I’m blocked now because I didn’t acknowledge her blank text

[Cat Familiar]

If you’re blocked, what’s your next step?

[Chicagobloo]

Well thats why im confused. I don't know if i should get in contact with her because she blocked me. I don't want to contact someone who doesn't want contact with me but im trying to figure out if this more of a game she's playing by blocking me because she wants me to reach out. If someone wants nothing to do with you they would simply move on if they're happy and happy in their new relationship if shes in one but she still finds a way to keep connected

[formflier]

  I don't want to contact someone who doesn't want contact with me

This is wise.

Can you think of good reasons to go against your wisdom?

Best,

FF

[Chicagobloo]

reason why im thinking of going against is that she contacted me first(after 5 months of being blocked from my phone) and then blocked me so i feel like its more for me to react to

[formflier]

Interesting.

So, she unblocks you and then sends you a text message (do I have this right?)

What was it about that message that leads you to believe it's a good idea to reach out to her?

Best,

FF

[Chicagobloo]

Well no I unblocked her after 5 months on my phone and couple days later she sends me a blank text. I did not reach out to her at all. So she must have been checking every so often if I unblocked her yet because o have no social media so phone is the only connection we can have

[Cat Familiar]

If I understand correctly, you haven’t been in communication for 5 months?

[Chicagobloo]

Yes we haven’t spoken in 5 months because I had her blocked before that I was NC for 8 months on my end with her popping up here And there accusing me of breaking into her Facebook and trying to get herself in the situation with my mom. But I stayed quiet the whole time

[formflier]

Quick clarifying detail.

How are you aware she accused (or is accusing) you of breaking into her facebook during a period of NC?

Best,

FF

[Chicagobloo]

She texted me. I never blocked her as I feel I don’t need too. And just in case if she ever was an emergency situation she can still call me if need be

[formflier]

Hmm...so many options for communications.

Which options for communications did you have blocked?

Which did you have unblocked?

When you say "you haven't spoken to her" are you talking about verbal phone calls or any communication whatsoever?

Was there ever a period of time where she was not able to communicat with you in anyway because of blocking or other actions you have taken?

Last.  What does a "blank text" mean to you?  What do you believe it means to her?

Best,

FF

[Chicagobloo]

I had her number blocked on my phone (deleted social media all together) for the 5 months but before that it wasn’t blocked at all including my Facebook(which she monitored heavily). So now she just has my number to reach me on as my social media is still deactivated. Before the blow up 5 months ago I didn’t contact her or anything for 8 months but she still found a reason to contact me. And yes she could t reach me these last 5 months because I disappeared. And I think the blank text was to see if I had her blocked still but it was so soon after that she messages me that I’m not convinced it was a coincidence