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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
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Mixed Messages
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Topic: Mixed Messages (Read 367 times)
daverisk
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 76
Mixed Messages
«
on:
March 27, 2017, 02:04:50 AM »
So, my wife and I are separated for over a month now, with the intention of reconciling in the (near?) future. One of her complaints about me was that I would send her a FB Message every morning at 8AM right before I started work... .never the same message, but always the same theme. She says this was boring and annoying. A mutual friend suggested it would be like here sending me a boob shot every day... .exciting at first... .but then boring.
Anyhow, I've not been messaging her much while she's out of the house. This morning I get a message from her asking ïs something wrong?" When I asked her why she replied that I hadn't messaged her either last night or this morning. I told her I was trying to give her space.
I suppose that's part of the push-pull associated with BPD. I'd love to point out the irony to her... .but won't. Darned if I do and darned if I don't. Any advice on handling this?
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isilme
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2714
Re: Mixed Messages
«
Reply #1 on:
March 27, 2017, 10:49:57 AM »
Overall I don't really see what there is to handle. You altered the dynamic, she noticed. So where do you want to go from here? The whole separation is a push-pull. This is just one more "symptom".
Do you want to send her messages? Do they reassure you? Does she usually on a good day respond in a way that is positive? Or are you simply checking in with her to guage her emotional state?
I am on a messenger all day with H, that includes channels we share with friends. We don't have set times we message, but I do tend to send him a funny animal pic, partly to see how his morning is going. Or I may post to the group channels that H will see, for the same reason. It's also the way he likes to let me know when he is able to head to lunch and leave for the day, and I use it to let him know if I will be out of contact or detained.
Messaging, though, can be strange. If a pwBPD can misread things you say in-person, you can see how dicey messages left to be interested solely on your written word run through the filter of their heads can be.
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