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Thanks so much for your response.
In general, I find talking in any way other than in person just doesn't work well with my dBPDh. Apparently, this is common. He recognizes that he doesn't like communicating in other ways. It just leaves things open to a negative interpretation, even though that isn't my intent.
I too find speaking in person works much better but he will avoid calls when I try and resolve something more personally most of the time and keep the dialogue via messaging which gives rise to misinterpretation. It is so frustrating sometimes I feel he WANTS us to argue so he can say 'we argue too much we are a bad couple.'
It is the second time I have seen the High Conflict Couple book mentioned and I have looked it up but unfortunately my bf is not at the stage of properly seeking help past mood stabilisers so this proactive and shared response to an issue is difficult when he is still in a avoiding/denial stage . I will bear it in mind for the future though.