... but she's missing big parts of the puzzle.
This is what you said when you wanted her to outright confess her affair to the children last year. She argued that it was an adult issue and would turn the children's lives upside down (and disgrace her). You argued that she was wrong in the eyes of God and there are consequences. You two debated on principle for 10 months. She never accepted that your priorities and view of life over her priorities and view of life. Neither of you compromised. Kids suffered.
You are on the same trajectory here. She is arguing that she is the one most in need of the family home. You are arguing that she should start over on her own.
"
She wants her cake and to eat it too." has been evoked in both incidences.
My point above is that you are back to trying to sell your priorities and view of life over her priorities and view of life. That is what that model you sent over means to her. You are back to arguing whose "principles" should prevail.
It's not going to work any better this time.
If you two can't agree, as was the case last time, a judge will solve it (for $150,000 in attorney fees)... and family court is very biased toward mothers... especially the stay at home moms. You could lose the 50/50% custody. You could be ordered to give her the house or sell it. There is a lot of risk there.
Most negotiators would go at this very differently than you are approaching it and that would help. The first thing they would do is focus/listen to each parties needs, identify points of compromise, and above all, leave principles and models out of it.
Don't get me wrong, I think the financial work you are doing is excellent. It will really help you navigate the mediation. But I also think trying to sell your model to you wife along with your view of reality, morality, and priorities
is a deal breaker.I know you hold strong to your convictions and will likely stay the course, but its still worth mentioning.
At the moment the rhetorical conversation seems to be around a mortgage we have expiring at the end of Nov... like proper expiring expiring not just off the 'deal' period. If we don't come up with a solution it goes into a default situation. The Bank's expiry team refuse to give us an extension unless one of two things are met... a court date OR the house is on the market.
You have a divorce filed for a year and no court date? That's easy enough to resolve.