Afraid to Breathe a Sigh of Relief?

[Jeffree]

So, a little over a week ago I learned that my STBx has accept a new sales territory for her employer and will be moving somewhere into New England at the end of this month. The area that she is honing in on is about 4 hrs away, so the pop-in visits will cease (or at least become GREATLY reduced) and with that her reign of terror should pretty much be a thing of the past for me and the kids.

It's been very quiet between us as of late, and I have no idea what, if any, tricks she has up her sleeve short of filing for divorce before I do and asking for all the things she said she didn't want when she was claiming to want a quickie divorce.

I should be dancing a jig and moving about the cabin freely, but I fear jinxing my good luck.

Anyone ever deal with this feeling like a mild form of PTSD where you're still on guard when the coast very well might be clear?

J

[Insom]

Anyone ever deal with this feeling like a mild form of PTSD where you're still on guard when the coast very well might be clear?

Yes, I can relate with this!

Is your coast clear, or might it be wise to anticipate another round of separation-triggered problems? 

[Jeffree]

Is your coast clear, or might it be wise to anticipate another round of separation-triggered problems?


Coast not quite clear.

I just made the mistake of telling her I was going to be telling the kids tonight I have to sell the house.

She wanted to talk about this first, thinking she had practical solutions since "she needs a place to live and I need to lower my overhead."

I told her I was too angry to discuss this right now and had nothing nice to say and to send her ideas to me in an email.

And she was off to the races trying to goad me into venting my anger.

Ugh.

J

That wasn't good enough, so she kept texting me.

[Jeffree]

Coast was definitely not clear. My head is spinning after the latest text war.

Wow!

At this point it's definitely me who just doesn't get it. 

J

[Daffodill]

Yes!  I can relate!  My STBx bf just bought a house and, assuming he can come up with the money AND actually make the payments, he will be moving to the other side of town!  Now, there will be no chance of me running into him in the gym and, it will make it much easier (I hope) to detach and not give in and drop by to see him as he won't be on my way home from work anymore and I won't live 25 minutes from his house so he won't be able to "come over for a little while". 

Fingers crossed, he is able to buy the house and move out of his mother's, where he has lived since his divorce two years ago.  And, hopefully, his mom won't talk him out of it (she likes him living there and they are EXTREMELY close).

[Cromwell]

I got this all the time, it only went away when I truly resolved to myself, and I mean, not just thinking or saying, but truly get to the point where I accepted that there is absolutely no possibility that she will be part of my life again.

i believe that the reason I felt these fears of being recycled or stalked was not because of her, but because I hadnt truly completely sealed off within myself that it was completely over. There was still some repressed part of me that wanted to be recycled and was awaiting the possibility of it. Because I have fully come to terms with it, I know what to do in advance if this situation arose, so there is no fear or worry about it. I was terrified just at the thought of her stalking me in the street again and knowing that just to see her would make me weak again, because it had already happened once before.

[Ex2BPD]

I was terrified just at the thought of her stalking me in the street again and knowing that just to see her would make me weak again, because it had already happened once before.

Cromwell,
Last week I left a very similar post:

I was 9 days into NC; 200% dedicated to doing my Own program of recovery and thriving, but felt 'The Shadow' on my back.

The difference between our scenarios is that I don't have children with my EX bfBPD. And, although physically safe, I was emotionally "terrified" at the thought of him stalking me -- because it had already happened.

Up until this week I constantly questioned whether I would have the inner strength to turn away any charm-action IF he needed money and used his powers of, "I Love You, Bunny" to convince me his final rage was just an aberration, best forgotten.

Backstory: On the day I returned from a month-long trip to get over the whiplash of love-despise-love-despise he left his coat on my porch, asking in a note that I get it back to him (!)

So, upon discovering the note/coat I felt like I had been (a) slimed; and (b) was starting again at Day One of getting him out of my life. (although his note said, "I'm not stalking you."
- - -

Today/Current:  15 minutes ago [and what brought me to this site just now... .] after 5 days of fresh silence, Ex bfBPD emails to ask If I have any Powers of Attorney over his affairs; and can I straighten out an auto insurance rage-mess he made. 

Huh?  It's like he's taken a Lifetime contract out on my co-dependent self.

My Progress:  Nine days ago I would have "peeked" at this afternoon's eMails (popped them open and read through the opening paragraph and then into the Cruelties of the screed). 

THIS time, I glanced at the subject line(s) and moved them from their Trash folder into the Delete folder.  Poof! They're gone, without a read other than the subject lines. (I wish that comcast.net had a 'blocking system' like gmail and hotmail does.)

I'm at the point that it will be years before I can 'breathe a sigh of relief' *but* IF one is working on True Self recovery, a visit from the Flying Monkey becomes less terrifying and more manageable.
- - -

Wishing you the best,

[Cromwell]

I felt the same and it wasnt true, or didnt end up becoming so. with regards to "take years to breathe a sigh of relief".

for some reason i lost the fear of it, and just as you have got to this stage of just moving messages to trash, you are on your way of taking back control.

i believe that messages such as the one he sent are not so much about trying to get you to help financially as just long shot attempts to wrap you into conversation where other measures fail. Its a bit like once the salesman has his foot in the door, it is the hardest part over. even to call him and say "what are you talking about, you have some nerve to contact me with demands likes this out of nowhere".

"oh sorry about that, I was drinking that night, how about we meet up ive got some really important things to talk about".

ok, im not the best at portraying rhetoric, but you get the idea, just seems like some barbed hooks that keep fired your way. i personaly just changed everything from phone to email to removing all social media. that did work well but forced her out her foxhole to the extent she could only come to emy house, which she tried twice and since that didnt work i think with the time past she will have given up. even slightest reaction even if it is an angry response is proof, however misguided it might be, that you still care enough to want to talk.

[Ex2BPD]

I felt the same and it wasnt true, or didnt end up becoming so. with regards to "take years to breathe a sigh of relief".

Dear Cromwell,
Thank you for your thoughtful observations. "[It] didn't end up becoming so," is So appreciated. Maybe this is like waiting for word on a job interview... .the beforehand-waiting seems to be interminable. And the rear view mirror look at the situation is, like, "TaDa! Checkmark on sanity restored!"

"... .even slightest reaction even if it is an angry response is proof, however misguided it might be, that you still care enough to want to talk.

Wowosh! This is Totally true, as well. When I first started out with this guy, he disclosed that he was bi-polar.

Okay, I thought... .high-end musician, creative, 24/7 energy -- Oooh la la!

I've had girlfriends who were bi-polar and were Amazingly creative; and hilarious fun. Each one saw their therapist regularly, took their meds.

THIS guy was a cocktail of a different mix... .Over the months the BPD slowly spectered (I didn't know WHAT was going on). And then he threw down an (undiagnosed) schizophrenia "pitch"... .which allowed him to love bomb me in one moment in order to get a contact call (Oopsie! I fell for it after our first break-up ... .Once!)

*but* he played the "schizophrenia" angle IF after contacting me he had changed his mind and DIDn't want to hear from me.

Relating back to TODAY: I agree with You.
He only wants "energy"; and then IF he gets a message/email/call from me; HE will decide in that moment whether to be Dr. Jeckel or Mr. Hyde.

Thank you for your wisdom,