i have co dependency

[married21years]

no shock here done this test

Am I codependent?

I recently saw a questionnaire which I’ve adapted for people with BPD.

1.   Do you have a hard time saying no to others, even when it’s in your best interest to do so? Y

2.   Are you always sacrificing your own needs for others? Y

3.   Do you derive a feeling of self-worth from helping others? Y

4.   Would you feel guilty or worthless if you stopped helping others? Y

5.   Do you know how to have friendships that don’t involve you in the “helper” role? Y

6.   Would you still be friends with friends who no longer needed your help? Y

7.   Do you feel resentful when others are not “grateful enough”? N

8.   Do you feel uncomfortable when you are receiving help, rather than giving it? Y

9.   Do you think your friends have chaotic lives and drift from crisis to crisis? Y

10.   Did you grow up in a chaotic family? Y

11.   Did you think it was up to you to keep the family functioning when you were growing up? Y

12.   Are many of your friends plagued with severe social or emotional problems? Y

13.   Is it important for you to be “the dependable one”? Y




got a single no, yes is codependency

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[Notwendy]

Welcome to the club 

This was not an easy concept for me to understand. I felt as if I was pretty independent- but that isn't the definition of co-dependency. One can be an independent person and also emotionally co-dependent.

What do we do about this?  There are probably many options, T included, but it was our marital T that sent me to 12 step groups. I found that really confusing, sitting among people with co-dependency and also different addictions. When my sponsor gave me the big book of AA to read, I was even more confused because I don't drink much at all, and so could not relate to alcoholism.

But over time, I could see the relationship to addiction- the overall pattern that is similar regardless of whether the addiction is alcohol, drugs, gambling, work, or --- to other people - which co-dependency is.

It takes time and effort to deal with this, but having experienced recovery from co-dependency- a constant work in progress, sometimes forwards and backwards- I feel there are great benefits and that it has been worth it to do the work.

If you are in T, ask what resources are out there and /or look up local 12 step groups if you are interested.