The Seige Continues

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, I'm at about 4 weeks of no contact right now. I'm totally committed to it.

Initially, I had a few emails from my ex that I never read.

About a week into it, I got a couple of envelopes in the mail from my ex. I did not read them.

A couple of weeks went by with no activity to report.

Then, yesterday, she called my phone. I did not answer. She also left a voicemail that I did not listen to. She followed up with an email that I did not read.

I'm pretty proud of the resolve that I'm showing on this. I'm really sticking with it.

It crossed my mind a couple of times today to not read whatever her email from yesterday said, but to just send her a quick reply with some mean comment. I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me whatsoever.

Maintaining radio silence.

[santa]

So, I'm at about 4 weeks of no contact right now. I'm totally committed to it.

Initially, I had a few emails from my ex that I never read.

About a week into it, I got a couple of envelopes in the mail from my ex. I did not read them.

A couple of weeks went by with no activity to report.

Then, yesterday, she called my phone. I did not answer. She also left a voicemail that I did not listen to. She followed up with an email that I did not read.

I'm pretty proud of the resolve that I'm showing on this. I'm really sticking with it.

It crossed my mind a couple of times today to not read whatever her email from yesterday said, but to just send her a quick reply with some mean comment. I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me whatsoever.

Maintaining radio silence.

[phantom17]

High five for you! 

[Turkish]

So, I'm at about 4 weeks of no contact right now. I'm totally committed to it.

Initially, I had a few emails from my ex that I never read.

About a week into it, I got a couple of envelopes in the mail from my ex. I did not read them.

A couple of weeks went by with no activity to report.

Then, yesterday, she called my phone. I did not answer. She also left a voicemail that I did not listen to. She followed up with an email that I did not read.

I'm pretty proud of the resolve that I'm showing on this. I'm really sticking with it.

It crossed my mind a couple of times today to not read whatever her email from yesterday said, but to just send her a quick reply with some mean comment. I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me whatsoever.

Maintaining radio silence.

Good for you santa, don't validate her. I may or may not get something like this later from mine... . I confess that I probably would read out of morbid curiosity. I think my mostly NC/No Talking (about us) through the last four months of her living her sent a clear message as much as it pained me (and probably her)... . a type of silent treatment.

[fromheeltoheal]

I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me

It does seem that you still care some santa, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!

[santa]

I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me

It does seem that you still care some santa, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!

You're probably right in the sense that I'm a little ticked off about everything still. I don't think that's going away any time soon. Hopefully it'll fade as time passes though. I just meant that I couldn't care less about her as a person. I'm working on it! Lol

[arn131arn]

I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me

It does seem that you still care some santa, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!

You're probably right in the sense that I'm a little ticked off about everything still. I don't think that's going away any time soon. Hopefully it'll fade as time passes though. I just meant that I couldn't care less about her as a person. I'm working on it! Lol

Santa,

You have helped me tremendously over the past 7 weeks.  You have always been there during the tough times.  I picked up (stole) this quote today off the co-parenting board.  Describing our ex's attempts at contact and how we respond to them.  Like you said... . do nothing.  Radio silence

"negative engagement is still engagement". The meaning gets clearer the longer I deal with ex. Causing chaos or mayhem is a great way to engage when nothing else works.


Such wise words for us to learn to understand, eh?

[santa]

I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me

It does seem that you still care some santa, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!

You're probably right in the sense that I'm a little ticked off about everything still. I don't think that's going away any time soon. Hopefully it'll fade as time passes though. I just meant that I couldn't care less about her as a person. I'm working on it! Lol

Santa,

You have helped me tremendously over the past 7 weeks.  You have always been there during the tough times.  I picked up (stole) this quote today off the co-parenting board.  Describing our ex's attempts at contact and how we respond to them.  Like you said... . do nothing.  Radio silence

"negative engagement is still engagement". The meaning gets clearer the longer I deal with ex. Causing chaos or mayhem is a great way to engage when nothing else works.


Such wise words for us to learn to understand, eh?

Great quote. I totally agree with it.

[myself]

Santa, what's great is you care more about you now.

You can do another 4 weeks easy.

We'll do them with you. Doing our own.

[santa]

Santa, what's great is you care more about you now.

You can do another 4 weeks easy.

We'll do them with you. Doing our own.

Thanks, myself.

The time is really starting to fly by.

[Tausk]

Santa:

Congrats on the NC resolve.  I hope that it's what is best for you.  As far as boundaries are concerned, a pwBPD is like water flowing downstream.  It will seep into any gap that presents itself.

However, having said that, I also know that when my ex was trying to seep back into my life and recycle, she was also acting out of survival mode.  Sometimes in panic, sometimes in fear, sometimes just because she has such a void due to her lack of self.

What seemed manipulative and maniacal was just survival responses from a very disturbed person trying to not drown in the very real terrors of the nightmare of her own existence.  And even the anger and spite, was the personality of the punitive parent screaming shame into her very soul that had no place to process other than externally at me.

My ex is not a bad person doing sick things.  My ex is a very sick person doing bad things.

So I try and think of my no contact with her, is an act of love for myself, and also for her.  Because any contact will only trigger destruction.  Any contact from me is simply enablement of the Disorder.  Any contact could be the start the loss of myself again to the Disorder.  And her reaching out for me, is not personal, I just happen to be there.   Just like the interaction when we were together wasn't personal.   I just let myself be there.

Congrats on your resolve.  Going NC was the beginning of the FOG clearing so that I could address the FOO issues.

[Turkish]

My ex is not a bad person doing sick things.  My ex is a very sick person doing bad things.

That is a key realization, and it helps me, too.

[DreamGirl]

What if it's about your daughter?