My adult daughter

[Smokie]

Good Afternoon

I am 50 years old and currently raising my grandchildren ages 7 and 5. My daughter has not been diagnosed with BPD but she has been diagnosed with depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and ODD. I see all the signs of BPD She also abuses drugs. Her drug of choice is crystal meth (from what I can tell). She is currently in jail for not paying her fines. She was released on house arrest in December and came to my house. After a week of her being home I contacted her probation officer because things began to get bad and I felt it escalating. She began accusing me of abusing her children and her when she was a young child. She threatened to call the police and have me arrested. She also accused her 5 year old daughter of lying when she told her that the cat had scratched her rather than me.

I am afraid of when she gets out of jail because she cannot come back to my home and she has no where else to go. She is 26 years old and has very limited work experience. I am in the process of going to court to get custody of my grandchildren. My grandson has ADHD and adjustment disorder. My granddaughter has also been diagnosed with an adjustment disorder.

I manage to cope with everything most of the time but lately I seem to worry more and am at bit anxious. I am so happy to find this support network!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

Wow, you are amazing for taking care of your grandchildren.  I can't imagine doing all that you are doing and raising these two young kids.  Good luck.

[esmaine]

so sorry to hear of yor troubles, I can relate as we are going for custody of our GD and its very hard being assessed by social workers whilst juggling a full time job and a childacare and our BPD dd who is currently on her last chance as far as housing goes, she went into a hostel yesterday, she also chooses drugs to self medicate and this resulted in her being kicked out of the last hostel she was in.  If she messes up with this one I have no idea where she will live and that thought terrifies me.

All I can say to you is just focus on one day at a time and pat yourself on the back for taking good care of your grandchildren 

[penny52]

Oh boy can I related to this, my undiagnosed daughter26 is the same age and is been acting up for the last couple of months, and yes, there are kids involved, ages 3 & 6. The 6 year old tried to self harm herself and her mother last week with a scissors (no one was hurt), the gdaughter ended up spending 24 hours in a hospital to get evaluated, terrible, I thought I was going to have a nervous break down.  This week I made my d mad, and she has kicked me out of the situation, Social Services are involved but she has blown off two appointment and now all I can do is wait. I start therapy next week to learn how to deal with this in a healthy manners, but it very hard and I can feel you pain, just hang in there.

[Smokie]

So my daughter showed up at my house last week. She was to stay one night but refused to leave the next day. Her behavior was erratic and she was psychotic. I tried to have her committed for treatment but the psychologist said she only needed outpatient treatment. She is now back on the streets and I am extremely worried about her. I live in Mississippi where there are limited mental health and housing services. Thank you for the replies to my previous post. It helps to have someone to share with. I am alone in this battle.

[lbjnltx]

Good to see you back Smokie though sorry to  hear that your d isn't doing well and was unable to have a peaceful visit in your home.

I know I would worry too if I were in your shoes.

What I have observed about my own daughter and most of the adult children that are written about here on the boards is that they are survivors.  They find a way get by when they have to. 

Protecting those precious grandchildren and providing a stable home environment while protecting yourself is a number 1 priority.  It just stinks that our own child is the one we need protection from. 

lbj

[Smokie]

Thank you Ibj! It helps to know that many with BPD are survivors. I have noticed that about my daughter but sometimes those painful thoughts creep into my head and I become afraid for her. She is so vulnerable out there.