I'm new here - broke up with my BPD partner (female) and am suffering greatly

[AviationBuff]

Looking for help and to read what other people are doing to cope

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi AviationBuff and

youve come to the right place, and we are here to help. a great place to start is with the lessons directly to the right ---->.

would you like to share some of your story with us? what led you here, what led to the breakup? it helps to talk.

[Mutt]

Hi AviationBuff,



I'd like to join once removed and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. You've come to the right place, many members here can relate with you. It helps to talk. I recall when my exuBPDw broke up with me and I never felt so much pain, it felt like I had old wounds come to the surface. How long have you been broken up? How long were you together? Do you have kids? Hang in there.

[Faith16]

Hi AviationBuff-

I'm new here too and just left my BPD husband almost three weeks ago.  Our marriage only lasted two months & I had already reached my breaking point, but it's still been hard to let go of the vision I had in my head of how great this marriage would be.

Like I said, still new to all of this, but it has helped me a ton to read boards like this & read any other info I can find to try to process what went wrong.  I made a list (for my own sanity) of the cruel things he said or did & add to it as things come to mind. During those times I get the "I miss him" pains (which really it's not HIM I miss, but who I THOUGHT he could be & the nice side of him that occasionally showed his face), I read over that list & ask myself if THAT'S who I really want to be with?  Of course the answer is no. 

I know everyone's situation is different, & in life I am not a negative person, so this has been a challenge to me, but I have found focusing on the bad (which in my case there was a lot more bad than good) is helping me to heal.  It has made me realize that I deserve to be treated so much better than he could ever possibly treat me.  He sees no issue with his actions, so regardless of my hopes & dreams, it would never work with him. 

I am now trying to focus on getting back the life he took away from me when he isolated me from family, friends, and interests.  I'm sure I have a long way to go, but one day at a time is all I can do.

It will get better... .focus on yourself now & the things you can control! Is she willing to get help?

[Meili]

Hi AviationBuff 

I too broke up with my x and found myself in the most incredible pain that I have ever experienced. Nothing made any sense to me at that point.

If I might ask, you posted on the "saving the relationship" board; is that your goal?