Ok, there are days that I'm my own worst enemy getting caught in white lies. Yesterday is a prime example, I have an hour window to have a beer after work with a friend and hear about a trip he just got back from... .and I see my phone ring and it's my uBPD/NPDw... .and my conditioned thought response is 'she's going to be pissed that I'm going to do this'. So like a dumb@$$ I pick up the phone and tell her I'm running back to the office for a 1/2 hour... .and she pushes and says 'really... .and that's it?' so I come clean and tell her I'm going back to grab my briefcase then grab a quick beer. I know, my bad, but I can't help it as I'm always freaking out that she's going to be pissed at me... .and of course now she is, I'm a
#$%& liar, I can't be trusted, I'm a cheat, a creep... .well, you get the gist. And of course this is the devaluation phase so she picks up the phone, drops a bunch of text and talks to whomever will listen about what a liar I am... .
Today I am making a conscious decision to NEVER do that again. I'm almost 50 years old, I'm done being afraid of telling her when I want to see a friend, I'm going to be 100% above board and if she's pissed so be it, at least it won't be for something I created.
Frustrated today... .maybe this will be the straw that broke the camels back and the final devaluation will start... .and I can't say this time that I didn't add to it...
NS
