A lot has happened since my last update on Friday. The biggest being that my girl with borderline traits seems to be honestly sincere about changing her life for the better. She's given up alcohol - threw out all of it that she had at her place. She's made a therapist appointment, she's back in church and excited about it, and she's taking steps to get her finances under control - selling things she doesn't need and looking to move into a cheaper place to live when her current lease is up, which is soon. She also has a line on a job and is likely to be working again soon. She's finally hit a point where enough things happened to her all at once that she's making a change and is committed to it. She said, "I can't keep going on like this. I make myself and others miserable. I've wanted to change before, but I was never really serious about it. Not changing was always a lot easier. This time I have to change, because I honestly just don't want to be like this any more." I told her that I'd support her in any way that I could and that I was proud of her. She was surprised to hear me use that word, but pleasantly so, and said she was glad that someone was (proud of her).
She also apologized to me for hurting me when she and I had our blow-up a few month back. She said she knew we'd had a rough time of it for awhile, but that it was largely her fault. She said that she'd never had a good male example in her life ever, and that when she meets a nice guy, she doesn't trust it, she looks for ways to blow it up, and that she was sorry that she'd done that to me. I never thought I'd hear those words.
I'm going through a bit of a tough time in my life now as well, and she was very empathetic about that. She said that, although she couldn't do much right now, that if I needed anything at all from her, to please, please let her know right away. She said she wanted me to feel better, wanted me to be happy, and that she'd do anything she could to help me if I needed her. That was pretty surprising to hear, as well.
That said, it sounds like she's still holding out some hope of reconciling with the ex-bf and I'm still getting some distance from her at times, as well. My T said that distance may actually be a good thing, as it shows she's working on herself right now rather than running to me to fix all of her problems for her. I hadn't thought of that, but I think the T makes a good observation here. I'm a bit worried about getting friend-zoned, but I know better than to push things. Hopefully, she'll stay on the path she's on and we can continue to grow closer.
And as I wrote that, I got a text from her asking me if I'd like to do dinner. Improvement, indeed.
