Need advice for counselling

[Claire-voyant]

New here, but I already 'introduced' myself the other day.  First regular post, though.

My uBPDh wants to go to couple's counselling (because he says I have anger issues and I need help).  I've said I would go and I'm looking for a therapist, but I'm terrified.  We've been down this road in the past and he sits very calm and demurely during sessions and comes off as the victim while I answered questions honestly and exposed myself, reinforcing the idea that he was just a really nice guy with a crazy wife.

I know I don't have BPD, I don't fit the criteria, but I have my own issues going on. I've always had struggles with anxiety and shyness (horrific inferiority complex, really).  I grew up with an older sister who was so much like my husband, but I didn't realize it until I started looking into BPD.  I feel like between the two of them, I have been bullied and used my entire life.  And I have not developed good coping skills. Terribly co-dependent I guess.

People used to say I was 'sweet' and forgiving (that was a big one.)  I was kind and gentle.  I was weird, no doubt about that, and I know many people thought I was weird, but they also thought I was nice and dependable.  I'm not any of that anymore (except weird. I'll always be weird but I don't mind anymore. It is the heart of my creativity, I have learned.)  I'm just not a nice or likeable person anymore.  I don't have any friends (we only socialize with my husbands friends and relatives) and being shy AND hating myself as I do now, who would want to be my friend anyway?  I wish so much that just one person could see through this monster I've become and like me.  I want the therapist to see beyond the bull___ and the reactiveness and really help us before it's too late.

Any advice on how I could handle this so that we stand the best chance of success in therapy?  How do I be honest about me without becoming a smokescreen for my husbands issues?  How do I be honest about him without looking like a monster?  If you managed to make this work, please share because I'm at the end of my rope.

Thanks!

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[formflier]

Claire,

Welcome!  You are in the right place to educate yourself and get some help.

Please keep coming back and educating yourself more about what you are facing.

There are many parts to this... . and I don't want to try to tackle them all at once. 

You shouldn't either.

I will try to put some thought to your questions and see if I can get some insight. 

Hang in there... . you are in the right place!