New member, D, 28 yo, ptsd, BiP. Advice for residential treatment, financing

[Ruthie64]

I am the mom of a 28 yo D who is currently in the hospital for acute inpatient short term stabilization. She is in process of divorcing husband of 5 years, who she has been with since age of 16. She has seen him through his heroin addiction, sex addiction, and domestic violence. No children, 3 rottweilers. When she asked for divorce, he broke her hand, 1st violence in a couple of years, set her into dissociative state. She has spent last 3 months having a psychotic episode, and for 1st time, a religious aspect to it, from Hare Krishna, even legally changing her name to something ridiculous (along the lines of hippie flower child name). She also thought she was Mary Magdelene, and the guy she met who introduced her to this New Age stuff was the Messiah.

Fortunately, she did wake up one day and realize it was all a mistake, but shame has overwhelmed her. She finally turned to me for help. (She had threatened to cut me out of her life during the dissociative state, feeling I wasn't supporting her leaving her husband.)

She can only be inpatient for 5-7 days, but after all these years in the co-dependent, disfunctional, violent relationship, she needs a long term treatment, ideally one that focuses exclusively on womens issues.

She has Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance through her DH who is willing to continue it, but because she is not a substance abuser, insurance doesn't cover most treatment. I am not wealthy, and don't know how to finance appropriate care, or where a good facility is.

The hospital she is in said they refer patients to a place called Blue Sky which insurance will cover(we are in CT) but I have seen mixed reviews and am afraid it is just a place after insurance money, not well run.

She previously has been in a DBT program, which helped, but feels she already knows the skills. She need the long term, she cannot function AT ALL with skills of daily living or anything right now.

Suggestions please!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi Ruthie64,

Welcome to the site and the Parent's board, we are glad to have you here.

I'm sorry to hear of all the difficulties that  your daughter has endured and relieved to hear that she is safe now and getting treatment.  This is a very difficult transition for her to make from marriage to hospital to long term treatment.  :)oes she want to go to longterm care?

For women suffering with BPD there are 2 facilities that come to mind that have various treatment programs both in/out/day and transitional.  Mclean Harvard and Menningers, Houston.

If all else fails and insurance will not provide for her care you might look into financing from a specialized company.  I am not recommending them as I have never used their services.  I just want you to be aware that there are such companies that fund RTC's.  One that I know of is American Healthcare Lending.  If you google Healthcare Loans you may find more companies if this is the route you must take.

Have you tt the insurance company to see what is required from her doctors so that they will fund (at least partially) RTC?  

This is so much for you to deal with regarding your daughter.  How are you doing?  How can we support you through all this?

lbj

[Ruthie64]

Thanks for your response. I haven't spoken to the insurance co yet, it's complicated, because of the impending divorce. Perhaps calling them might help, though that has not been my experience in the past. I am trying to encourage her to apply for soc sec disability which would then bring better insurance coverage. She feels doing that would be giving up hope that she will be able to work again, but really,she is incapable of it for now, and needs to dedicate herself to getting well and not try to do too much at once. McLean is a possibility, as Boston is driving distance from here.

I also have a 12 yo DD who is very unhappy that her sister is going to be living with us. This puts me in the middle of trying to help older daughter, and making the other unhappy, and her making her sister feel unwelcome. She's basically being 12, but I don't know how to help her feel differently. The older daughters issues have caused the younger to make sacrifices over many years. Also, the older has been so wrapped up in her problems for so long, she has not made time over the years to have a meaningful relationship with her. They are 15 years apart in age.

My hope is to find some sort of therapeutic supportive living setting if anyone is aware of such places.

I'm sorry if I am not follow protocol for these boards, I'm having trouble figuring them out

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for your response. I haven't spoken to the insurance co yet, it's complicated, because of the impending divorce. Perhaps calling them might help, though that has not been my experience in the past.

I understand... .believe me.  I loathe dealing with insurance companies.  I used to get a different answer from each person I talked to, it can be very frustrating.  Understanding the insured rights under law and how the policy benefits meet the legal requirements is important.

I am trying to encourage her to apply for soc sec disability which would then bring better insurance coverage. She feels doing that would be giving up hope that she will be able to work again, but really,she is incapable of it for now, and needs to dedicate herself to getting well and not try to do too much at once.

I can see how she would feel that way.  The good news is that she can drop ssi disability when she is improved and able to work and be self sufficient.  And you are right of course... .she needs help holding these 2 seemingly opposing truths in her mind at the same time. 

McLean is a possibility, as Boston is driving distance from here.

Awesome.  You may want to check with them to see if they accept her insurance and ss benefits as payment.

I also have a 12 yo DD who is very unhappy that her sister is going to be living with us. This puts me in the middle of trying to help older daughter, and making the other unhappy, and her making her sister feel unwelcome. She's basically being 12, but I don't know how to help her feel differently. The older daughters issues have caused the younger to make sacrifices over many years. Also, the older has been so wrapped up in her problems for so long, she has not made time over the years to have a meaningful relationship with her. They are 15 years apart in age.

This is difficult Ruthie64 and does need to be addressed.  Talking with your d12 about boundaries and reassuring her that you are going to be there for her, help protect her, and support her through this can help.

My hope is to find some sort of therapeutic supportive living setting if anyone is aware of such places.

If your d28 is able to participate in an RTC program they may have recommendations for her when she finishes the program.  I know that there are such programs available and they are limited.

I'm sorry if I am not follow protocol for these boards, I'm having trouble figuring them out

You are doing it right!

Keep posting and asking questions.  Keep reading the educational materials too.  Knowledge is power!  We are here to help you get a handle on this.

lbjnltx

[livednlearned]

Hi Ruthie64,

You are dealing with a lot at once, and I wanted to say hello and welcome to you. This is a compassionate and wonderful community with a lot of helpful educational resources and members who care, and who know what you're going through. You're not alone. I'm glad you found the site while you navigate the situation with your D. She has been through a lot too, in what sounds like a high-conflict marriage.

I don't have experience in trying to finance long-term treatment so can't be much help with the particulars, but I did want to say that you are so resourceful to have found the site and the courage to post and ask questions. It is often a loving family member or supportive family network that makes a difference in mental health treatment, and you are being resilient, asking all the right questions. This is so important!

I noticed during my own crisis years ago that when I made the decision I was going to solve it, despite having no resources and feeling at a loss about how to turn things around, that angels showed up in my life and opened doors I thought were shut. People were so kind and supportive, it makes me tear up just thinking about how unexpected this was, and how it felt like something bigger than myself was taking care of me. I hope the same happens for you, Ruthie64. Where there is a will, there is a way, and a lot of wonderful people willing to help.

My brother is undiagnosed BPD, so I can relate to how your D12 feels. Living with someone who is mentally ill is a challenge, especially for a child. I like lbjnltx's suggestion to talk to D12 about boundaries. It would also be good to validate how she feels, and to acknowledge that she is right to feel upset about the change. Deep down I cared for my brother. And I found it hard to care for him because my parents were so invalidating. It was like they didn't want to acknowledge what was blatantly obvious because they were worried we would be consumed by it. I feel the opposite would've happened.

I'm glad you reached out.

LnL