Hey Daylightdad, welcome back. I remember you from a bit ago.
Well it was a good run as my family has had a good run of peace and quiet ,My wife’s mom had black listed me because of an event where I was protecting the safety of my daughter .During this argument she also managed to alienate two of her other kids bringing the total to 4 children my mother n law alienated from drama .
I get it; it seems like things have finally equilibrated, and then the BPD behaviors show up again. Impossible for there to be a focus on grandkids' well-being as that steals the focus from the pwBPD. I've also noticed that given enough time, many pwBPD or pwPDs leave a string of broken relationships in their wakes. It's truly tragic.
With that said as I selfishly believed maybe my drama was over , the mother n law emailed my wife . The email was very odd because it never really asked how my wife was doing but more along the lines of how she was having liver issues , blood pressure issues and stress , then finished with time was precious and she was missing out a lot on her granddaughters growing up .Very odd email given she never really once asked how my wife was as you’d figure given it’s her daughter .She also sent a similar email to my sister n law.
Yup, a huge focus on the self, with an inability and/or unwillingness to see the impact of their behaviors on others. Sad part of the disorder. Plus the "I just don't understand why I can't see my granddaughters" coming right after you literally protected one of her granddaughters and she reacted so negatively. Yeah, just so much inability to see connections between behaviors and outcomes.
Recently she also alienated the youngest of her daughters because all off a sudden she decided her son n law was a bad person? ( great guy).
One way an aspect of BPD has been described is "having harmfully intense and wildly oscillating emotions". What she feels in a single moment suddenly becomes "the forever truth" about someone. If at some point in the future she happens to have a good feeling inside, and he's around, who knows, maybe she'll suddenly decide he's great again. Inability/unwillingness to see that things happening outside aren't the cause of feelings inside.
Is it normal that when things are going well that they have to toss a wrench into things and pick fights ?
For many people, both wBPD and without, "drama" and "chaos" can feel pretty normal in life -- perhaps because of growing up that way. So sometimes people feel uncomfortable when things are going well -- it doesn't feel familiar or comfortable. That could be part of it.
Another part could be control. Being "the wrench thrower" or "the fight starter" gives them a position of control over the situation: "See, I was the one who did that". pwBPD often prioritize being in the "one up" position and having lots of control over what's going on. That could be the "neurotic" side of BPD.
Also she’s been through 9 jobs this year and has moved 3 times ! It’s like she’s getting worse ?
Instability is a very common attribute of BPD. While for many it shows up in interpersonal romantic relationships, it can also show up in work and professional commitments for others.
...
I guess none of this sounds surprising, though I'm not sure it makes it any easier.
Am I remembering correctly from your previous posts that safety for your wife and kids is basically your top priority?
How has that been going? Have there been more "boundary busting" episodes beyond the one you describe here? Are you guys safe at home?
And can you remind me -- your wife is pretty on board with you in terms of "seeing the light" about your MIL, right? Your W isn't still in the place of "Oh Mom is great just quirky"?
...
Keep us in the loop on how things have gone recently...
kells76