Trying to come to terms

[confused6567]

I am wrestling with my realization that my wife may have BPD or NPD. I am in a state of mind still where I am not sure if I am the culprit, that if I had been a better husband she would not have those issues.
I am still confused and I don't know where this will go.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi confused6567,

Sorry none of us replied sooner! I'm here and I'm listening! How are you doing?

Many of us can relate to the confusion and struggle you are facing. Please keep in mind that you have no control over the fact of whether she has BPD or NPD, okay? None at all, that all predates you and is not yours to carry, okay? Let that go and let yourself feel light about that okay?  

What is confusing you the most may I ask? How long have you been married? What are some of the difficulties you are struggling with?

Please check back in with us and let us know how you're doing... .we care!

take care, pearlsw.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi confused6567,

Welcome

I'm sorry that you are having difficulty coming to terms with your wife's BPD. How did you learn about it? Does she have a diagnosis or did you discover it on your own?

I can guarantee that BPD is not your fault. This is something that begins to develop throughout a person's own life, with the origins starting in childhood. Us Nons may do things that add to the conflict in our marriage (and we have lots of resources to help you with that), but we are not the cause of it.

What would you say is the main issue you are struggling with in your relationship right now?