Younger Sister With BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi all,

First of all I'm completely new to this site, and it already feels like such a blessing to know you're all here.

My younger sister has BPD (she's in her mid twenties) and it's become very difficult for our family. My relationship with her has been a rollercoaster over the years, but sadly it's beginning to just disappear altogether. About two years ago I went from trying to 'rescue' her whenever I could (which only made things worse for both of us) to eventually accepting that I couldn't, particularly given that she smokes weed every day. I have also gone into 'self protection mode' as I feel so bruised from all the times I've tried to help her and she's tried to hurt me while playing the victim the entire time (although I'm sure she does genuinely feel like the victim, and of course she is a victim to BPD). As I'm sure lots of you do, I feel a terrible mixture of guilt for not reaching out more (I don't know how to without being sucked into a black hole only to be spat out again) and resentment at her and my family. My parents hold me entirely responsible for her actions towards me. (There was one time she physically attacked me out of the blue and my dad barked at me 'what did you do?' They also refuse to set any boundaries with her even though she's moved back home).

I also just miss my old sister. She still seems like her old self at times, but we all know that it could fall away at any minute. Everything is on her terms.

Anyway, this is an opening ramble but I will come here regularly to vent at greater length, and I will try and support you all as best I can!

[Brandlehow]

Hi all,

First of all I'm completely new to this site, and it already feels like such a blessing to know you're all here.

My younger sister has BPD (she's in her mid twenties) and it's become very difficult for our family. My relationship with her has been a rollercoaster over the years, but sadly it's beginning to just disappear altogether. About two years ago I went from trying to 'rescue' her whenever I could (which only made things worse for both of us) to eventually accepting that I couldn't, particularly given that she smokes weed every day. I have also gone into 'self protection mode' as I feel so bruised from all the times I've tried to help her and she's tried to hurt me while playing the victim the entire time (although I'm sure she does genuinely feel like the victim, and of course she is a victim to BPD). As I'm sure lots of you do, I feel a terrible mixture of guilt for not reaching out more (I don't know how to without being sucked into a black hole only to be spat out again) and resentment at her and my family. My parents hold me entirely responsible for her actions towards me. (There was one time she physically attacked me out of the blue and my dad barked at me 'what did you do?' They also refuse to set any boundaries with her even though she's moved back home).

I also just miss my old sister. She still seems like her old self at times, but we all know that it could fall away at any minute. Everything is on her terms.

Anyway, this is an opening ramble but I will come here regularly to vent at greater length, and I will try and support you all as best I can!

[Turkish]

So she committed a crime (battery), and your dad blamed you? 

You sound like you are doing what you need to do in order to protect yourself.  You deserve to be safe,  yes?