mamachelle - you might want to check out Daniel Hughes model for attachment therapy called PACE. There are a couple book reviews if you are interested in looking into this kind of therapy. These two books talk about the development of the sense of self and identity and how this can be helped both with teaching the parent how to better relate, and how to support this in a therapy situation. It really makes sense to me, esp. for my gd7 as we embark on the ADHD, anxiety, meds path with her. She is now under an IEP at school and so far they are good about intergrating the accomodations in ways that do not set her apart from her peers - ie. reduce any sense of stigma for her.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=195469.0 "Brain-Based Parenting: The Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment" by Daniel A. Hughes, PhD., Jonathan Baylin PhD., and Foreword by Daniel J. Siegel M.D.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=195443.0 "Creating Loving Attachments
Parenting with PACE to Nurture Confidence and Security in the Troubled Child"
by Kim S. Golding and Daniel A. Hughes, PhD.
Keep us posted with how things are going with your son.
qcr