I have a 20 year old that was just diagnosed with BPD. She tried to take her life 6 days ago. Where is a good place to get information on BPD and how to establish boundaries. She is an in-patient facility for the next 10 days and then will come home for thanksgiving (she is in college) and we will discuss longer term support. Are there any online zoom support meetings.
Jennie122,
Welcome to BPD family. Sorry you are here; however, this is the best place to be considering what you have shared for written questions and answers. Ask as many questions as you want, this is a 'peer support' group, everyone here has someone in their lives with BPD, either diagnosed or undiagnosed, and it can be very daunting, as BPD is one of the more serious mental health diagnosis to receive as one of the more serious symptoms is 'suicide' which you are now familar.
Kells76 has some really good advice, that website has links to youtube videos on their classes (not interactive) but you can get them immediately without having to wait months on the waitlist.
I recommend a book for starters for you:
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger - make sure you get the most recent edition, which I believe is the 3rd edition.
Free Zoom support meetings, that are hosted by Ms. Kreger's website (she isn't actually on these meetings) can be found at
https://groups.io/g/MovingForward/ look towards the bottom of that page for the Zoom meetings.
Books for your daughter, there are two starter books, the older one is used by a lot of in-patient treatment centers, there is also a more recent one with more updated information as well.
I Hate You-- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Hal Straus and Jerold J. Kreisman - this is the older one.
Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder by Hal Straus and Jerold J. Kreisman
I am sure you are interfacing with the professionals at her treatment center. Be sure to establish individual therapy for yourselves (if you haven't done so already) and family counseling, as they will be instrumental in setting up and maintaining boundaries.
If the SWOE book is not strong enough for you for boundaries (do not show your daughter this one, and it has high powered behavior modification tools in it) is
Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life by Margalis Fjelstad
I hope that we didn't overwhelm you. I am sure your head is swimming, I know mine was. A lot of this will not make sense, it took me 10 days of ruminating, reflecting, thinking about it before I realized the magnitude of what BPD is really all about, I didn't have a formal diagnosis like you do. It then took me another year with hundreds of hours of reading/watching/asking questions to really understand what BPD really is.
The biggest thing for you is to set firm boundaries on PhP (partial hospitalization protocol) as this is where the biggest and initial challenge for maintaining those boundaries will be - the inpatient facility is well versed on these boundaries, you are not (my daughter (D) was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, which can be a trait of BPD, and my D thinks she might have it) where they get to come home for a few hours and go back (if that is in their program). The following step is IOP ( intensive outpatient ) which usually will be a combination of individual and group therapy (usually DBT, but can be other forms too) - these will be critical too. You will likely have to set a boundary if you either do this, or we will kick you out of the home or some other 'dire' consequence if she doesn't follow it.
Regarding boundaries, whatever you choose, make sure you are willing to follow through on it (especially the last one I just mentioned, or don't make them as they will be ineffective).
For borderlines, you need to be firm and unwavering, otherwise, they will blow through boundaries especially if she is 'strong willed'.
One last thing I will mention, make sure you do self-care, as this will be exhausting, frustrating, with few rewards with the eventual goal of putting this in remission. You need to have enough energy to help your daughter. You can't do that if your cup is empty, make sure you do self-care to fill it, whatever that might look like for you.
My D was 12 when she entered the facility, she is now turning 17, she is in full remission as of this year; however, the first two years it was touch and go. It is long and hard, but our persistence, and hers, eventually paid off. There are still a lot of emotional scars from this, and our daughter will never be the same, but at least she is 'alive' and she is with us.
Take care with self-care.
Read, research, and ask questions, as we get it here.
SaltyDawg
