Hi nightmoves
WILL this be all I now get in my life with regard to a partner... .
I must live with no appreciation. closeness, affection, intimacy?
WIll I always be uneasy, blamed?
Will my life ALWAYS be SO unpredictable?
Are you sure you don't want your life to be more unpredictable? At the moment it is pretty predictable - drama follows drama. The solution is not trying to control more... .
Will I have to ALWAYS question what is REALLY going on?
What my wife REALLY thinks. REALLY feels?
What she thinks - does it matter so much when her behavior is not so much based on it? What she feels - read up on validation. Regular practice will be very educational on that front (besides helping you to reject projection and helping her to calm a little down).
What about all the riddles that still do NOT make sense.
The news ones EVERY DAY?
Crazy is not solved by thinking more or harder. You are dealing with a lot that makes no sense and a lot of if just is noise to be ignored.
It has gotten SO bad... .that even WHILE I can SEE the sudden changes... .rage... .blame... .emotional up and down in seeming seconds... .
I STILL get caught up within it. STILL find myself trying to "calm it down"... ."talk thru it"... .wish it to return to the last fleeting "normal" place again.
Thing is... .I wonder if my "new" and present "normal"... .I would have 20 years ago seen as INCREDIBLY ABNORMAL.
When seeing her spinning out of control sometimes validation helps. But only sometimes. Often the best are boundaries and timeouts. Won't be liked the first few times but they do help.
Worse yet... .my wife is in the middle of severe hormonal and endocrine imbalance so the outbursts... .the paths she seeks... .the entire being she is from day to day... .is SO depressed, dysfunctional, rageful... .
I actually read somewhere that this sever a hormonal imbalance can actually work to place alcohol on the fire.
Yeah, hormonal changes can have an impact on behavior. Not an excuse for her behavior. For the time being might be a ok thing for her to blame it on as a face saving measure and for you to turn a blind eye on the flimsy excuse. Rage is a sign that boundaries are lacking.
Is she drinking?