breaking up today, now

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

or maybe it's just another stupid circular argument. I'm learning some things here on this site, the circular thing rings so glaringly true for me, for us... . and I am just plain sick to death of it... . this bull doesn't get us any where... .

Things have been getting bad for a while now, things are building up... . that tension that hangs in the air... . I'm trying so hard to not let it effect me too much but its hard not to... . but I try and will keep my calm. I will not react to his stuff... . or I will at least try not to react to it.

He's been in a mood for the last couple days, the mood started a long time ago and it's just been getting worse, escalating. I knew this was coming... . I can feel it in the air... . his actions shout it to me but he doesn't say anything, even when I ask him he says nothing. Last night he kept me up all night long, cursing under his breath, getting up out of bed and slamming the bedroom door on his way out... . and this morning gets ready and leaves slamming out the door and flipping me off as he leaves the yard... . BUT he didn't gun the engine and peel outta the drive way like a manic... . I'm just so done with all this mess I texted him and the convo follows :

Me: Last straw. U do not love me heck u barley even like me. Why do I put up with this from u? Used to be I'd say cuz I live u... . but love isn't enough... . why do I let u keep kicking me? I can't do this anymore

Him: Blah

Me:

Me: I mean really tho... . why keep trying to make this ok when it's not ok? Ur not happy here I can tell ... ur actions scream this... . & I do love u & want u to be happy... . & I want to be happy too. I'm not happy either. How can I be when ur actions scream ur unhappiness... . u cuss all nite won't really talk to me & flip me off on ur way to work? Tell me who in their rite mind would be able to maintain happy in this environment? Would u?

Him: Really go ahead and act like you never flipped me off

Me: I will keep helping with the girls in the mornings & drive them into school. I think it's time for us to call this done. Nothing's ever going to change... . if it was then things would be different between us now. I'm accepting that nothing's ever going to change.

Him: What are you on the rag again. It is not fair to me that once a month you can act like however you want with no regard for anyone else but you. You don't have control over yourself when you are either on the rag or close to it and it is very infuriating that you can act this way but I cannot and if I do or say anything is is what I get from you. You at on the rag once a month I am in pain everyday. You say I do not care, from my standpoint you do not care. Psychologist someone else please- maybe yourself first. Since that was the last straw I guess I will have to find a place to stay

Me: Omg... . seriously?

Me: That's what u have... ? I'm on the rag... . I don't understand ur line if reasoning or what ur problem is... . so cuz u hurt it's ok for u to hurt me? That doesn't even make sense

Him: Whatever, I will ask folks around here for a place to stay so I can get outta your life.

Him: Fyi – your cousin passed away

Me: This car is driving really really bad! Can you pick these girls up and take them to school?

Me: If I don’t hear form you in 10 min’s I’ll call xxxx

Him: yes

I think he messed with my car so it wouldn't run right and I'd have to call him. He's done that before so I wouldn't be too surprised if he did it again. He came back fixed my car and I took HIS grandkids into school... . now he's calling me at my work, trying to be sweet... . bull. I don't believe him.

Will he leave? Probably not. Probably I'm going to be in for a world of crap but I don't care I'm not going to back down from this, I just can't back down again... .

I'm just so done so tired so numb... .

[Danie14]

or maybe it's just another stupid circular argument. I'm learning some things here on this site, the circular thing rings so glaringly true for me, for us... . and I am just plain sick to death of it... . this bull doesn't get us any where... .

Things have been getting bad for a while now, things are building up... . that tension that hangs in the air... . I'm trying so hard to not let it effect me too much but its hard not to... . but I try and will keep my calm. I will not react to his stuff... . or I will at least try not to react to it.

He's been in a mood for the last couple days, the mood started a long time ago and it's just been getting worse, escalating. I knew this was coming... . I can feel it in the air... . his actions shout it to me but he doesn't say anything, even when I ask him he says nothing. Last night he kept me up all night long, cursing under his breath, getting up out of bed and slamming the bedroom door on his way out... . and this morning gets ready and leaves slamming out the door and flipping me off as he leaves the yard... . BUT he didn't gun the engine and peel outta the drive way like a manic... . I'm just so done with all this mess I texted him and the convo follows :

Me: Last straw. U do not love me heck u barley even like me. Why do I put up with this from u? Used to be I'd say cuz I live u... . but love isn't enough... . why do I let u keep kicking me? I can't do this anymore

Him: Blah

Me:

Me: I mean really tho... . why keep trying to make this ok when it's not ok? Ur not happy here I can tell ... ur actions scream this... . & I do love u & want u to be happy... . & I want to be happy too. I'm not happy either. How can I be when ur actions scream ur unhappiness... . u cuss all nite won't really talk to me & flip me off on ur way to work? Tell me who in their rite mind would be able to maintain happy in this environment? Would u?

Him: Really go ahead and act like you never flipped me off

Me: I will keep helping with the girls in the mornings & drive them into school. I think it's time for us to call this done. Nothing's ever going to change... . if it was then things would be different between us now. I'm accepting that nothing's ever going to change.

Him: What are you on the rag again. It is not fair to me that once a month you can act like however you want with no regard for anyone else but you. You don't have control over yourself when you are either on the rag or close to it and it is very infuriating that you can act this way but I cannot and if I do or say anything is is what I get from you. You at on the rag once a month I am in pain everyday. You say I do not care, from my standpoint you do not care. Psychologist someone else please- maybe yourself first. Since that was the last straw I guess I will have to find a place to stay

Me: Omg... . seriously?

Me: That's what u have... ? I'm on the rag... . I don't understand ur line if reasoning or what ur problem is... . so cuz u hurt it's ok for u to hurt me? That doesn't even make sense

Him: Whatever, I will ask folks around here for a place to stay so I can get outta your life.

Him: Fyi – your cousin passed away

Me: This car is driving really really bad! Can you pick these girls up and take them to school?

Me: If I don’t hear form you in 10 min’s I’ll call xxxx

Him: yes

I think he messed with my car so it wouldn't run right and I'd have to call him. He's done that before so I wouldn't be too surprised if he did it again. He came back fixed my car and I took HIS grandkids into school... . now he's calling me at my work, trying to be sweet... . bull. I don't believe him.

Will he leave? Probably not. Probably I'm going to be in for a world of crap but I don't care I'm not going to back down from this, I just can't back down again... .

I'm just so done so tired so numb... .

[growing_wings]

hi Danie14

sounds like you have been through a very rough emotional roller coaster... .

i am not very clear, are you deciding to leave this r/s? or are you staying in and need support to deal with it?

[seeking balance]

 

I agree with GW - you are certainly on a roller coaster - at least stopping your part for now is wise so you can catch your breath and make a wise choice.

To echo her question - are you leaving this relationship or undecided?

Peace,

SB

[Danie14]

Right now I'm saying I am leaving this relationship. I'm done, done, done!

This is a problem. He's going to come home tonight and act like nothing happened. I can bring it up and start this stuff all over again. I don't want to but I just want him gone out from my house. I don't know how to do this without the big drama... . this has been going on for so long I'm just tired of it all.

I want to be done. I am done. I want him out of my house.

[seeking balance]

I know this can be overwhelming - but we are here to support as best we can.  Do you also have some family/friend support as well?

I don't know how to do this without the big drama... . this has been going on for so long I'm just tired of it all.

I want to be done. I am done. I want him out of my house.

Well, most breakups are drama, but they don't have to be abusive and it sounds like you may be afraid of that?

I read your opening posts to get a little history.  Have you spoken with an attorney to see what your options are?

[Danie14]

We're not married anymore. We've been divorced for a couple of years now. Mutual decision but we continued to live together in a committed relationship.

We have nothing really. I don't care if he takes mostly everything out of this house as long as he leaves. I can always get more stuff. I don't think we'd need a lawyer.

Yes, I am afraid of abuse. I don't know if this is rational for me to be afraid now or not... . maybe it's just lingering fears from the past... . idk... . I wanted to plan things out better. I wanted to get my important things out of the house... . like the things my dad gave to me... . I'd hate to see them destroyed.

But there again... . idk if it's a rational fear or not... . I don't know if its just leftovers from years ago.

Yes, I figure they're be drama. There has to be drama.

[Danie14]

Well, he backed down, didn't move out. Of course not. He's never going to actually move out because he knows it'll be the real-real end. He'd never come back I'd never take him back.

So when I got home last night he was in the bedroom. He's sick, his head hurts, his back hurts, blah. he's making small talk. I told him that I loved him and that that flip off strait pissed me off. I told him that was where the last straw was at... . and we got into a very brief discussion about how no one knows the true intent behind what others do or why they do it (him talking) I told him that the middle finger is called THE FINGER for a reason and the intent in F-You. I said it very calmly and with little emotion. Just a fact.

He then changed the subject and started talking in detail about his truck.

Typical.

[seeking balance]

Hi Danie,

It sounds like you are still in a relationship with him even though you may want to leave.  Do you think you might be better served on the undecided board or do you want to put together a Leaving Plan?

One thing is for sure, while he is still living with you - spending some time really learning the communication tools on the staying board can help in not escalating things.

What do you really want and what are you ready to do?

SB

[Danie14]

What I really want is him to not be this way. But that's not an option. No, that's not quite true... . what I really really want is peace. & I don't think that's an option with him in my immediate life. So, I want this to end. I want him out of my house.