Had a peek

[Lolster]

I know I shouldn't have, but I was laid up ill in bed and was very bored and decided to have a peek at uBPDexbf's facebook.

I am 5 months NC after a very brief recycle.  He had managed to contact me through fb 6 years later after having to change my very strict settings for other reasons.  He had never been a fb friend so it was unexpected.  But at the time of the recycle I did of course look over his timeline.  The public posts were very old and uninteresting to say the least, with little or no comments made by others.  I never ever asked about his privacy settings and whether he kept any posts private/friends only.

So I peeked and this was what I found:

2 months after I went NC there was a public post hoping he would make it through the night, 2 people had showed concern and he admitted he was really struggling being alone after having to take his child back to the other parent.  It reminded me how he used to guilt trip me about leaving.  I wasn't triggered, just felt   that he would publicly project that onto such a young child.   

A month later there was the "Look what a great time me and my child are having on a day out I discussed having with you" public post.  Again,   that he would post public images of his child to show how wonderful he is now doing.  FAIL!   

A week after that there was links to a satirical youtube video about a class learning about performing oral sex on women.  He had then commented on his own link stating that he has a diploma.    He was always convinced he was the only guy who knew how to do this and used to look for validation, which he never got from me.     

I have no intention of contacting him, it didn't trigger me in any way, just made me realise that my initial thoughts/feelings about him were right. 

[KeepOnGoing]

Good for you for not getting triggered and pulled back into the black hole. I find that peeking sometimes reveals the truth. Hope you are well.

[Lolster]

Good for you for not getting triggered and pulled back into the black hole. I find that peeking sometimes reveals the truth. Hope you are well.

Indeed it did.  Just a shame I now have to wait to put him back on the block list. 

[hurting300]

Good for you for not getting triggered and pulled back into the black hole. I find that peeking sometimes reveals the truth. Hope you are well.

Indeed it did.  Just a shame I now have to wait to put him back on the block list. 

let's hope he don't block you.

[Lolster]

Good for you for not getting triggered and pulled back into the black hole. I find that peeking sometimes reveals the truth. Hope you are well.

Indeed it did.  Just a shame I now have to wait to put him back on the block list. 

let's hope he don't block you.

I don't think it really matters who blocks who, as long as there's NC.  If he blocks me he can't contact me.  I guess he could unblock me and contact me, but I can hit delete without reading and then become the blocker. 

[hurting300]

Good for you for not getting triggered and pulled back into the black hole. I find that peeking sometimes reveals the truth. Hope you are well.

Indeed it did.  Just a shame I now have to wait to put him back on the block list. 

let's hope he don't block you.

you know... .You should read the messages just in case it's not an emergency. I read somewhere online this girl went No contact on her boyfriend and he died in an auto accident and it was his friends trying to contact her from his phone. Well she was grief stricken and shot herself. If mine messages me I'll read the first line because if I'm over them it won't matter what they type.

I don't think it really matters who blocks who, as long as there's NC.  If he blocks me he can't contact me.  I guess he could unblock me and contact me, but I can hit delete without reading and then become the blocker. 

[hurting300]

I'll read a message,. If I'm over them it won't matter what they type.

[Hope0807]

Lolster,

Good to see your strength!

[Lolster]

Well you can't help but see the first few words of a fb message, and you're right, it wouldn't bother me to read it.  I didn't reply to his last ever message.  It's just that I'd prefer not to read it as it'd just be more of the same, and he'd be waiting for a response that he was never going to get.  And thanks to stupid fb you can see if a message has been read or not. 

If it was a member of his family ringing in an emergency (he doesn't have friends) it would probably only be to blame me for his stupidity and I don't know any of them personally.  So I definitely wont be shooting myself or anything else through guilt.  I've known him long enough to know that he'll always have a reason to seek attention, just varies in who he can/will blame. 

Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I'm feeling quite confident he wont contact me again since he's made it through Xmas without attempting to contact me. Last time I broke up with him he was texting me on Xmas Eve even though it was nearly a year after I broke up with him. 

[hurting300]

Well you can't help but see the first few words of a fb message, and you're right, it wouldn't bother me to read it.  I didn't reply to his last ever message.  It's just that I'd prefer not to read it as it'd just be more of the same, and he'd be waiting for a response that he was never going to get.  And thanks to stupid fb you can see if a message has been read or not. 

If it was a member of his family ringing in an emergency (he doesn't have friends) it would probably only be to blame me for his stupidity and I don't know any of them personally.  So I definitely wont be shooting myself or anything else through guilt.  I've known him long enough to know that he'll always have a reason to seek attention, just varies in who he can/will blame. 

Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I'm feeling quite confident he wont contact me again since he's made it through Xmas without attempting to contact me. Last time I broke up with him he was texting me on Xmas Eve even though it was nearly a year after I broke up with him. 

hey mine didn't contact me either and we have a baby.

[Lolster]

Well you can't help but see the first few words of a fb message, and you're right, it wouldn't bother me to read it.  I didn't reply to his last ever message.  It's just that I'd prefer not to read it as it'd just be more of the same, and he'd be waiting for a response that he was never going to get.  And thanks to stupid fb you can see if a message has been read or not. 

If it was a member of his family ringing in an emergency (he doesn't have friends) it would probably only be to blame me for his stupidity and I don't know any of them personally.  So I definitely wont be shooting myself or anything else through guilt.  I've known him long enough to know that he'll always have a reason to seek attention, just varies in who he can/will blame. 

Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I'm feeling quite confident he wont contact me again since he's made it through Xmas without attempting to contact me. Last time I broke up with him he was texting me on Xmas Eve even though it was nearly a year after I broke up with him. 

hey mine didn't contact me either and we have a baby.

That must be tough for you  :'(  My exBPD has a child from a previous relationship but he sees the child a lot as he uses the child to fill the void due to finding his own company horrendous. He cannot stand to be alone.  Maybe that's part of the problem with your ex?  Does she have a replacement for you yet?  Once she does she may be happy for you to take the child off her hands a little?  I don't think they much care WHO fills the void, just as long as they aren't alone.

[willtimeheal]

Not to hijack the thread ... .today is my exBPDgfs daughters birthday. I loved her kids like they were my own. I have been NC since the break up in October but I did send the daughter a happy birthday message today. It was a simple happy birthday. Nothing more... .no I miss you or anything like that. I feel ok. I hope I didn't set anyone mentor her daughter back in healing. I just wouldn't fell right not wishing her a happy bday.

[Lolster]

Not to hijack the thread ... .today is my exBPDgfs daughters birthday. I loved her kids like they were my own. I have been NC since the break up in October but I did send the daughter a happy birthday message today. It was a simple happy birthday. Nothing more... .no I miss you or anything like that. I feel ok. I hope I didn't set anyone mentor her daughter back in healing. I just wouldn't fell right not wishing her a happy bday.

I think that's acceptable, you were with the children a while if my memory serves me right from your threads?

I'd be freaked out if my ex sent my kids a message as he met them less than a handful of times, and is so self absorbed he doesn't even know when my birthday is. 

[hurting300]

Well you can't help but see the first few words of a fb message, and you're right, it wouldn't bother me to read it.  I didn't reply to his last ever message.  It's just that I'd prefer not to read it as it'd just be more of the same, and he'd be waiting for a response that he was never going to get.  And thanks to stupid fb you can see if a message has been read or not. 

If it was a member of his family ringing in an emergency (he doesn't have friends) it would probably only be to blame me for his stupidity and I don't know any of them personally.  So I definitely wont be shooting myself or anything else through guilt.  I've known him long enough to know that he'll always have a reason to seek attention, just varies in who he can/will blame. 

Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I'm feeling quite confident he wont contact me again since he's made it through Xmas without attempting to contact me. Last time I broke up with him he was texting me on Xmas Eve even though it was nearly a year after I broke up with him. 

hey mine didn't contact me either and we have a baby.

That must be tough for you  :'(  My exBPD has a child from a previous relationship but he sees the child a lot as he uses the child to fill the void due to finding his own company horrendous. He cannot stand to be alone.  Maybe that's part of the problem with your ex?  Does she have a replacement for you yet?  Once she does she may be happy for you to take the child off her hands a little?  I don't think they much care WHO fills the void, just as long as they aren't alone.

I'm not sure if she does yet. Her grandmother takes care of the baby. Unfortunately we have to serve the mother with court papers. She is no where to be found

[Lolster]

That's a shame hurting.

I think it works quite well for my ex as his child's mother is pretty dysfunctional from what I can gather.  He pays a chunk of maintenance out of his disability income that he doesn't have to, whilst she claims all possible government hand outs she's entitled to for the child and doesn't declare the maintenance payments.  In return he then has the child around 50% of the time whilst she goes out boozing and saves her government hand outs for private plastic surgery.  She's pushing 60 and still posting images showing her knickers on fb, ugggghhhh! 

[Lolster]

WOW, for the first time ever I just had a look at his child's mums fb profile.  She IS mutton dressed as lamb... .BUT she is actually the same age as the ex according to some comments on one of her pics.  How weird is that?  I was never likely to bump into her yet the ex has always said she was 15 years older than him.  Last recycle he even went on about how he was more likely to out live her and need to look after the child, and how difficult that was going to be when he'll "probably be in a wheelchair." Hmm, seems to be a lie he has remembered for my benefit, years after the first time I met him.  But how odd is that?  Seems a weird and unnecessary lie?

[hurting300]

I've came to the conclusion she feels nothing.