Daughter newly diagnosed with BPD

[Sugarloaf]

Hello, my 23 year old daughter has recently been  diagnosed with BPD. She became unwell when she was 18, and this was initially diagnosed as bipolar disorder. She has now been taken off all medication.  She was discharged from a psychiatric ward recently because her behaviour was so disruptive, she has now left home and gone to live with an ex-boyfriend temporarily, but is very angry and blaming us as her parents for “poor parenting“.  We don’t feel that that this is fair, but she knows we would find it hurtful .
We are trying to set some boundaries, and do some research into this condition. The situation is compounded by the fact that my mother probably had narcissistic personality disorder,  I was afraid of her all of my life until she died a few years ago,  and I really do not want to go through this again.  I have three other daughters who are all stable happy pillars of society. She seems to have turned into such a nasty disruptive person, even the psychiatric ward could not deal with her, and we are at a loss as to how this has happened, or how best to manage it.  Any constructive thoughts or input would be gratefully received, even if it’s just sharing how you felt in a similar situation, and managed it.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Sugarloaf
I am glad to meet you and sorry for what brings you here. I feel your frustration. I have been there many times with my DS24XBPD (dear son 24 diagnosed with BPD) The good news is things can get better. Many of us have found that by using the communication skills we learn here we have been able to improve our relationships with our children. A good place to start is by clicking on the thread at the top of this page that says "how to get the most out of this site." You have already taken some enormous first steps in beginning to think about boundaries and joining this group. We are all here for you. Welcome

[Only Human]

Hello sugarloaf

I join Faith in welcoming you here

It sounds like you've been through a lot with your daughter and I understand the fear of history repeating itself, having lived with a mother with possible NPD. I'm so sorry you lived in fear, and also glad you are here with us now.  

As Faith says,

You have already taken some enormous first steps in beginning to think about boundaries and joining this group.

You will find many other parents who are dealing with similar situations with their children and we are all learning together, supporting each other, as we navigate our emotionally intense relationships. You've come to the right place.

Faith mentioned the link pinned to the top of the board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE and I encourage you to start there. It's got many of our best articles with links to more. Have a look and come back here with any questions or comments, we want to help.

It's important that you have a strong support system and we are happy to be a part of that. Feel free to post in other's threads, it helps to talk about it, to know we are not alone.

Do you have any support in real life? A therapist of your own? Many of us find it helpful to work with a therapist with extensive knowledge of BPD - so much of the work we do here is on ourselves, our own responses. As you know, we cannot change our children, we can only take very good care of ourselves. Setting boundaries is part of that and something we are all learning here.

When you are comfortable, please share more about your situation. It helps us to know how to best support and advise you.

Take good care,

~ OH