Welcome!
We all desperately wish that our BPD spouse/partner would "see the light" and get proper treatment. It would make our lives and their lives so much easier. Unfortunately, having a direct conversation with someone about BPD is generally not going to be productive, and is more likely to make things worse. In over a year here, I've never heard of anyone whose partner actually listened and got help after that kind of conversation. There is some explanation and discussion here:
PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPDBut, now that you've identified BPD-type behaviors and found us, you can learn about a lot of ways to reduce the conflict in your marriage and protect your children. The idea is to change our own behaviors and how we respond to things -- the person with BPD doesn't even know we're doing it. It's always going to be challenging to have a wife with BPD, but working on our side of things can make things a lot better. There are a lot of great resources here, especially the Lessons on this board and the Improving board ("Lessons" is one of the first threads listed on each board).
As we learn more about your relationship, we'll be able to point you toward some more specific tools that can help make things better. What's been going on in your marriage lately that motivated you to find us?