dd20 is coresponding with a prisoner

[js friend]

I just found some letters dd  had hidden & must have forgotten when she was staying here earlier this year.

Whatever next?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

 

This is concerning... .the horror stories we see on TV about how these things can end sends chills down my spine.

Do you have plans to discuss this with your daughter?

[mimi99]

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is making such bad choices. How old are the letters? Maybe the correspondence has ended already.

My dd24 also makes extremely poor choices when it comes to relationships. Her last 2 boyfriends have been irresponsible and of low intelligence. The latest one arrived at our house to meet us wearing clown makeup! He doesn't have a job and spends his time (and our daughters money) smoking pot and hanging out in an not-so-nice area near Baltimore. Our dd says he's the love of her life and a better father to (gd5) than her bio father (after meeting gd twice). Nevermind that my husband has been the significant male in gd's life--there for her when she wakes up in the morning, to pick her up from school, to feed her dinner, bathe her and put her to bed.

Of course, she has moments of clarity when she recognizes that this is not the best relationship, but if I bring it up "You just don't want me to be happy", etc.

I find that prayer helps me to let go a bit. I can't control her choices and bringing my opinion into the discussion just creates conflict. That being said, I no longer allow them to come to my home or him to be around my granddaughter. Setting boundaries without apology or explanation has become easier for us to implement than before.

[jellibeans]

I am not sure of the contents of the letters so I am not sure if there is reason for concern. There are a lot of I knows here and I tend to take the road of caution. Don't jump ahead and find more things to worry about. I am guilty of doing that and it is part of my makeup. I do worry too much so I would encourage you to not say anything to her.

[js friend]

Hi All and thankyou for your comments.

I have always wondered why people end up writing to and even marrying priosoners. Im not saying they are all PWBPD but thinking about it, writing to a prisoner is perhaps the perfect r/s for a pwBPD as they dont have to reveal their true selfs. 5years ago dd pursed an online r/s that she went completely too far with sending the boy explict pics of herself and had mapped out her whole life around him so when I read these new letters I just thought here we go again. The difference now is that she has 2 children and should be thinking about who, and what is best  to allow into their lives.

The letters I read between dd and this man were just getting to know each other stuff type. He is in for some serious stuff and says that he messed up... .maybe thats the norm of prisoner hook talk idk. DD wasnt  already lied to him about a lot of stuff already making herself sound like a high achiever with a busy social life. 

was he wanted her to send some pics and for her to call him.DD Iam sure would interpret this to mean to send some half naked pictures of herself and would be calling him non stop at every opportunity which would be taking money away from the care of my GC.

This is concerning... .the horror stories we see on TV about how these things can end sends chills down my spine.

Do you have plans to discuss this with your daughter?

lbj~ I havent spoken to my dd yet and dont know if I will bring this matter up as I vowed sometime ago never to get involved with her r/s issues again.My main concern is how dd correspondening with this man could impact on my GC by taking away the time, money, and attention from them.that she should be focused on them. I also know from past experiences that if I bring the matter up she will just turn it around making it all about how terrible a person Iam who is not to be trusted. I know she make it all about me reading these letters, when the real issue here is about her writing to a prisoner!

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is making such bad choices. How old are the letters? Maybe the correspondence has ended already.

Mimi99.~ The letters are dated from the beginning of this year so the whole thing maybe over already as you pointed out and Iam holding onto that thought. From what I have read and researched online about this man he isnt going anywhere for now which is a relief. My concerns are only for my GC and the impact this may have on them.

I am not sure of the contents of the letters so I am not sure if there is reason for concern. There are a lot of I knows here and I tend to take the road of caution. Don't jump ahead and find more things to worry about. I am guilty of doing that and it is part of my makeup. I do worry too much so I would encourage you to not say anything to her.

Jellibeans~ Yes I have also become less reactionary over the years too.It has certainly lowered my blood pressure and I find that Iam less stressed now.I intend to just play things by ear and not read to much into the situation. Im hoping that because my dd needs the instant gratification my GC will not end up being affected as I dont think she will be there for the long haul with this r/s.