Don't Know What To Do

[86steelers50]

Very upset. Tonight my wife got very overwhelmed and, as usual, she said it was my fault.  She did things like trying to jump out of the car on the blvd.  Throwing things at me. Breaking doors. Singing, screaming, and doing things like jumping on the bed and flashing the lights while I tried to get some sleep before work. She stole my phone and my alarm clock so that I wouldn't wake up at 4am for work. When I stood in the room it was in and told her to give it back, she starting shoving me, screaming horrifically in my face, telling me to leave.  I kept asking for my phone, keeping my voice soft and level.  She kept shoving me and stomping on the top of my foot, bruising me.  I tried to just get it off the desk and leave but she grabbed me and shoved me again.  I made the mistake of staying in the room and also pushing forward to try and get to the phone.  I was upset that I didn't have a way to wake up and because of her meltdown earlier, I was now only going to get 4 hours of sleep. I understand that, but she was trying to throw my phone out of the window.  Finally she took my phone (not cheap) and went outside and threw it deep in the brush/woods near our house.  (I went out at midnight and called it with HER phone and found it, walking through briars and hoping for no snakes.)  

I just don't know what to do.  I have no place I can go in my home to get away from her.  The bedroom doesn't lock.  Wouldn't matter if it did, because when I go into my office (we both have one - she insisted we have them so we would have our places to go to be alone when we needed) or the bathroom, that do lock, she busts the door down.  She isn't reasonable because of her illness (she has CPTSD with borderline tendencies under that umbrella), but insists I keep talking to her until she is satisfied.  I have no where to go to get sleep other than my home or a hotel, and I don't have money for a hotel.  I don't want to leave her - I committed to a marriage and I want to stay with her through sickness and health - but sometimes it is just too much.  I am at the end of my rope and I just don't know what to do.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi 86steelers50, glad you were able to update us on what happened. I'm really sorry things went down that way, that's incredibly stressful.

Has it been a while since she escalated like that?

I am concerned to hear that she is breaking down doors. You need a safe area to go (and I'm guessing you're concerned for the dogs and cats too?). Do you live in a more urban area, or rural area?

Have you ever contacted a DV hotline? They have experience with supporting people like you, in "few/no options" situations, and coming up with ideas that would actually work. Typically it's a phone call or text, though some hotlines have chat and email options, too -- if you work outside the house and have a work computer, that could be an idea. If you contact a hotline, you aren't required to do anything, you can just see what they think and decide for yourself what you want to do.

What do you think? And how were the last few days?