Please help me, Am I crazy

[St6123]

Please help me understand what is happening.
I have been with this woman for a little over a year. When we met she was kind, caring, understanding, etc., then she changed. She thinks im cheating on her regularly. The smallest things completely disrupt her temper. We live together and are expecting a child wiht one another, but I can't live up to her expectations. She tells me constantly that she has expectations that I am not meeting. I don't know how to be better. I spend literally all my time taking car eof the house, the cars, the 2 kids she had in a previous marriage. She works and so do I. I never go at her for her long hours or the fact that some guy follows her around while at work all the time. She rips into me about my job. I'm a teacher for junior high. She says I'm hiding her, that I am flirting with people. I literally do nothing but work, go home, and do chores. All for her. The other day she got irate because her son threw a bunch of water balloons and left all the popped balloons everywhere. She has been mad at me for 3 days because I didn't clean them up for him. The day after that she got so upset that we were seated at a table in the middle of the room at a restaurant that she threw a fit like  a child and stormed out. I packed up the 4 kids and followed her and then it was my fault. I picked the table she said. We were seated there because we had 6 and it was the only spot that could accommodate that size. She told me to drive us home. I did and then I got out and she went to eat without me. Later that night while discussing this she told me that she did nothing wrong. I told her she disrespected me in front of strangers and her kids. She just spun it and said I disrespected her by not cleaning up the balloons.
She is mental absolutely mental and its killing me. She expects me to read her mind. I work 30 minutes away. She is off today and I asked her last night if she wanted to go to lunch. She said maybe disinterested in my opinion so I asked her again today. She wouldn't say yes or no. She is pregnant and its an hour round trip so I told her it was up to her. She told me it was fine either way. So I told her to enjoy her time off and i would call her. Wrong answer. Now she tells me i suck she doesn't want me that i can move out all of that stuff.
This happens all the time. She gives me options and then if I don't pick what she wants then I am a piece of crap worthless person. I am a good person, but my self esteem is nonexistent. I would think it was the pregnancy but she has been like this since before. God it is going to kill me. I say that with so much belief too.

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[St6123]

We have a child on the way. She is 20 weeks pregnant. I dont want to leave without trying everything for our family. I offered to go to therapy with her and we could talk through it on the condition that we both accepted 100% what the therapist had to say. She wont go.

[once removed]

Please help me understand what is happening.

you love a difficult person, and youre in a difficult relationship.

the good news is that things really can get better. at the same time, its important to understand the problems did not begin over night, are multi layered, and they wont be resolved over night.

it will help to get acquainted with the tools, and to practice them. this is a really good place to start: https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

it will also help to know that changing your approach, and changing the way the two of you communicate with each other can be really awkward at first. practice can help you become natural at it. i dont have anyone with bpd in my life currently, but i use the tools all the time, and they "work" with everyone.

I would think it was the pregnancy but she has been like this since before.

it is probably a significant factor. its a stressful time for both of you, and people with bpd traits generally do not handle stress well. right now, things may be a little bit "extra" trying, for both of you.