Why didn't I leave? Why do I keep trying?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I wonder sometimes beside all of us being healthy alpha men ,normal to a certain degree , let's say we had mild to medium issues that we discovered latter on when they left and treated us like dust in the wind .

Why in the heck did we stay ?

How many years did you stay in the RS and why ?

[guy4caligirl]

I wonder sometimes beside all of us being healthy alpha men ,normal to a certain degree , let's say we had mild to medium issues that we discovered latter on when they left and treated us like dust in the wind .

Why in the heck did we stay ?

How many years did you stay in the RS and why ?

[guy4caligirl]

BTW  my RS lasted 5 years ,5 months since the BU .

[1989]

I stayed (available after the break up) because I believed under all the horrendous things he did there was love.  I believed with every fiber of my being that he genuinely loved me because it felt so real when he loved me.  It took a very long time to accept that he could not have treated me the way he did and love me.

[HappyNihilist]

I wonder sometimes beside all of us being healthy alpha men ,normal to a certain degree , let's say we had mild to medium issues that we discovered latter on when they left and treated us like dust in the wind .

Well, I'm not an alpha man, and I probably wouldn't label myself "normal" either.   I certainly have my own issues, like everyone does.

Those issues that we have -- no matter how "mild" we may tell ourselves they are -- are in fact what led us to stay in these toxic relationships. That's where we have to focus if we want to heal.

Why in the heck did we stay ?

How many years did you stay in the RS and why ?

There are many reasons why people stay in relationships with pwBPD. Fear of loneliness; addiction; codependency; rescuing; looking for a distraction from our own issues; etc. (Also, yes, we did/do love our partners. But love alone is not what made us stay.)

We all have to ask these questions of ourselves -- Why did we stay? What needs of ours were being fulfilled by this relationship? Because these questions help us understand our own truths.

[Mutt]

I wonder sometimes beside all of us being healthy alpha men ,normal to a certain degree , let's say we had mild to medium issues that we discovered latter on when they left and treated us like dust in the wind .

Why in the heck did we stay ?

How many years did you stay in the RS and why ?

For me, I was not happy with myself and life. I was searching for that happiness through someone else.

Happiness depends upon ourselves. ~Aristotle

I would like to say I was scared of being abandoned and alone. A frightening experience and I was afraid to leave.

So guy4caligirl, what about YOU.  Why can't you let go?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I tried to leave many times.  It was always the same - she would plead with me to come back and I would miss her very much.  I went back.  I knew it was unhealthy and was unlikely to end in happy marriage.  She was very beautiful and when it was good - it was brilliant.  When it was bad - it was hell.

[clydegriffith]

I tried to leave many times.  It was always the same - she would plead with me to come back and I would miss her very much.  I went back.  I knew it was unhealthy and was unlikely to end in happy marriage.  She was very beautiful and when it was good - it was brilliant.  When it was bad - it was hell.

Same goes for me. The fact that we have a child together always gave me the excuse to come back no matter what she did. It took something very drastic to finally cut the cord.

[hurting300]

The reason I stayed, is because I wanted to fix her, show her how to be a better person and build something. I was wrong. She is doing just fine without me. You just simply fell in love with the wrong person. You should heal yourself and build yourself up.

[Splitblack4good]

I tried to leave many times.  It was always the same - she would plead with me to come back and I would miss her very much.  I went back.  I knew it was unhealthy and was unlikely to end in happy marriage.  She was very beautiful and when it was good - it was brilliant.  When it was bad - it was hell.

Same goes for me. The fact that we have a child together always gave me the excuse to come back no matter what she did. It took something very drastic to finally cut the cord.

I kept going back because she kept promising me a child she knew how much I wanted one  if I had a child with Her I wouldn't leave I realise this now at the time I didn't although I should of done as she had 4 kids already how did I miss this fact ! I guess I believed her as she mirrored me well ! She knew I'd be the only one that wouldn't leave her as I have strong family values and would support my family regardless ! Her 2 ex boyfriends that are the fathers to her children left regardless. Shame she has a mental illness and pushed me away that said tho if she didn't have BPD I would never of met her to her wanting to give that in the first place it wasn't real ! For me it was now I feel robbed of my wanted future BPD is a dream and fantasy collector . Surley every relaitionship these individuals have must mess ther minds up further due to having bits and pieces of every person they mirror come thru at different stages and ther identity and personality is a scrambled mess not knowing who they are one second to the next ? Just a thought?

[Infern0]

I lasted 6 months,  she "left" me but in reality I pushed her away and bought the relationship down because I couldn't handle the abuse. I struggled to not lash out but I couldn't contain my frustrations and I basically pushed her away almost without realising it. Second time I was in her Web I walked away after like a month.

My ego just couldn't handle it, and I'm glad

[hurting300]

Mine was VERY passive aggressive. I think those are the worse.