twojaybirds,
I can only go by what you have written on here but you seem mild manner, calm, and highly affectionate and supportive towards your daughter.
It baffles me, you surely seem like a great mother- most people with BPD are nowhere as lucky! Well not the ones I know!
A restraining order is not valid until you have been personally served with it. So if that has not happened, you are not legally restricted.
Would be I think pretty bizarre to get a restraining order against an apparently mild mannered, loving mother. You do present well, with how you communicate.
My mother died when I was 13. If I could I would morph into your daughter! :-)
She sounds "high functioning" BPD, she might not have hit "peak crisis stage" yet in her life.
The more severe BPD, could not juggle work and study like that, its not intelligence, its the chaos within smashing their life out of order.
So she must have demonized you in some way?
Are your sure well said words cannot bridge the gap, make her reconsider?
Does she blame you unfairly for some issue?
Of course do not answer anything that is not comfortable, I do not want to pry, I just wish to understand what I am able.
How is your daughter thinking? is there any insight you can give us, that you are comfortable to give? Have you discussed this on some other thread I do not know (I am new)?
I wouldn't worry too much about the friends, I mean BPD people have problems and tend to associate with unusual sorts. I mean if they are involved with say Marijuana, I would not worry yourself, I know a lot about Marijuana and she does not at all sound like the sort to sit around all day and do nothing smoking Marijuana. But harder drugs, would be a serious concern of course.
From your wording I gathered you are religious, I have known good Christian people who have smoked Marijuana- not advocating it in any way. But they did not start basing their lives around it. Strong willed, driven people, its not going to become a big part of their life. The Christians I know work and developed families, and well marijuana just faded into their past, to be honest there just wasn't space for it.
I am just guessing.
She sounds like a somewhat usual cases of BPD compared to what I am personally used to, although I have one good friend diagnosed with BPD (but utterly rejected the diagnosis) and she is highly educated, and a teacher with a psychology degree.
I don't know. There must be more to the picture, but it is your discretion what you share. I have rarely thought, based yes on your words, but the impression I get is that you would surely be healthy for your daughter to be in her life.
If you feel the need to discuss more, please share as you wish. I would love if we could encourage or even inspire some solution to the situation.
What daughter can reject the love and affections of a mother that just wishes to be her mother?
My friend, she does have BPD, but she is one the types that has great empathy, and certain has towards her kids. I am not saying she has never caused any drama, but I truly feel she is a good mother, loves her kids greatly (well they are all 30+ year in age).
Her ex husband though, very controlling and huge manipulation exists. It is HORRID how two in particular of her own grown children treat her. She is 65, and such a loving, motherly figure. Very supportive. She would sell her house to support her kids that sort. Oh and of course had been there for various serious incidents in their life, offering great support.
She is near the age, where with her health problems, death is not out of the picture.
Its AWFUL how they are towards her. My mother died when I was 13, and I guess in a way we have sort of adopted each in mother son roles as part of our friendship.
Her son, has many university degree's, and I have heard some voicemail, he is HIGHLY cocky and arrogant. He is an arrogant, ungrateful brat. I guess you have to lose your mother when young to truly appreciate having a mother in your life. The only time he basically EVER contacts his mother, is to leave the rare occasional voicemail bragging of his academic achievements. Yet he is around 35-40, and spent so much of his life simply studying.
She has sad situation with her kids. The situation is poisoned.
Have you ever thought of being a foster mother? You would want a mild mannered kid, not too spirited, a fairly quite one.
If you could get the right youth, they would LOVE you to pieces. I suspect you are good at being a mother. Not all children in the foster care system are "rough" and you know "wild". If selection is careful, you could perhaps find a good match. Just an idea, maybe down the track.
The fact you keep her room so prepared, I mean it is touching. Some women make good mothers. I do know much about you at all, but based on your words here, you do radiate the impression of motherly figure. If I am wrong, such is life, but I can't see that I could be very wrong.
Oh I have gone on and on. Your situation honestly makes me feel quite sad. I hope something good will come of it.
