Advice please

[tryingRbest]

Hi, I'm VERY sad to say that my 22 year old son who has BPD has beaten up his girlfriend. My heart hurts so bad for her, I am trying to get her to press charges in fear that if he doesn't have a serious consequence he will continue onto the next victim. He has been getting more and more violent with his father and I and we are on the verge of getting a restraining order. Has anyone had experience with this type of situation. It is just pure madness! He even bit her, and has bitten us in the past.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Oh, no... .

Is she safe right now? Any chance of her going back? Does she have any professional support, even if she connects with a local DV hot line anonymously?

We have the emergency protocols at the bottom of every thread. Take a look at it to see how best to handle her:

https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info4.htm

[tryingRbest]

Hello,

She is safe, fortunately she lives about an hour away. She is supposed to give me a call soon, I'm suggesting she make a police report. I don't think she is telling her family, I will check the info at the bottom of the page thank you!

[Turkish]

The link has a database link to local DV resources. You can tell her that a call is anonymous and safe. The validation tools work on anybody, so brush up on your SET 

Pushing her to make a report right away may be too much initially, even if it's the right thing to do. Both her physical and emotional safety are paramount. Validate (or meet her) where she is at emotionally. It's good that she has you in her court   

Though you and your husband are also victims, she's likely coming from a different place emotionally. Please keep us updated (about all of you), and I'm glad that she is safe.

[Dibdob59]

I am so sorry to hear what has happened.

How is your son?

Have you spoken to him or seen him?

Does he admit he did this?

Whilst in no way condoning this violent act by your son, he may be at risk himself at present as what has happened may be a sign of terrible distress in him also.

He is mentally ill.

My heart goes out to all of you

Dibdob

[tryingRbest]

Thank you, he did admit to hurting her. He's been in a bad place for awhile now, very inconsistent in taking his meds, and bring physical with his dad as well. He was just taken by paramedics, he was threatening suicide and caut himself lightly on his wrist. I'm hoping they will place him on a hold long enough for him to be calm, and realize he needs to commit to trying to get help. On the upside, I've found a male (which I've been looking and praying to find, I think he'll respond better) therapist that has experience with BPD and is trained in DT we talked and he's agreed to start seeing my son.

[Dibdob59]

This mental illness takes away the ability to self reflect, which results in our BPD loved ones refusing to accept they have a problem that needs addressing.

I pray your son accepts he has an illness and that he needs to work meaningfully with the therapist you have found for him.

BPD in males often has a poor uptake for talking therapies. I hope this goes well for you and your family.

I have walked in your shoes.

Dibdob