Hi Winsron26,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us, it helps to talk to people that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. There is hope.
It helps to read as much as you can about the disorder you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time.
I have read so many stories where people with BPD have managed their symptoms and lead very healthy lives and I have heard horror stories. What I want to know is there any hope for a healthy relationship down the line when he gets help? Or is it in my best interest to wish him well and completely remove myself from the relationship? Or should I continue to be a support system, but recognize that there will probably never be a romantic relationship again?
We can't tell you what to do or how the future is going to unfold, but we can certainly help you.
Have you thought about the possibility that he may never get help for BPD? I think that's a common trap for non's, I can relate with that. I kept hoping that my ex would see how she acted and reacted to other and support I and hoped that she would change but I minimized the severity of her mental illness, BPD is a serious mental illness.
There's a lot of pain, distress and frustration attached to hoping that our pwBPD over coming a lifelong metal illness. Now, i'm not trying to discredit people that have worked very hard overcoming BPD, some people do recover from BPD. As you have pointed out some pwBPD are high function or low functioning, there are 14 million people in the US with BPD, they're all are different people, with different BPD traits and severity of the disorder. That being said, everyone has different levels of self awareness, some people have almost no self awareness while other have have lot, I think that you'd have to be aware that there's something off inside and then you'd have to be motivated to change that, some people don't like change at all.
It doesn't mean that we have to like that our pwBPD may never chnage but we can let go of a lot of suffering by not fighting against reality or hoping that our pwBPD will be different but by accepting reality as it is and accepting them as they are. Radical acceptance can be a powerful tool. We can't tell you how to get there because radical acceptance is different for everyone, here's a link on radical acceptance. I hope that helps.
lRadical Acceptance For Family Members (DBT skill)