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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Ever pay compliments?  (Read 391 times)
SvenUffda

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 4


« on: January 17, 2015, 09:13:01 AM »

I'm wondering if its me who has the problem and just hyper-sensitive. But my gf can never say anything complementary to me or others. Me, I'm just the opposite and always tell her how nice she looks when I go see her. I think see really enjoys the praise and something I like to do and don't think I overdo it. Holding hands is very foreign to her too. We both are in our early 50's.

Just wondering if this too is a trait with someone who is BPD? I've walked away from this relationship 3-4 times and she is the one who always initiates getting back together, so she must think I'm a keeper. We've never said that we love each other, but I'm getting ready to very soon. Will be interesting to get her response. She's even admitted being a cold-hearted b@#$%.

Thanks for any insight!
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ShadowIntheNight
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 442


« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2015, 11:05:39 AM »

If some woman told me she was a cold hearted $&Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post)@! I would take her at her word. Otherwise she will show you that she is over time. And the last thing I would do is tell her I love her if you have been playing this kind of leaving coming back game. It will tear you apart if she really is BPD. You don't need to prove to her that she isn't the Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post))&& she says she is. She will prove to you she is. And even if she isn't BPD, a kind person doesn't tell you they're a cold hearted Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post)$&$. They would have no reason to.
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SvenUffda

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 4


« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2015, 12:39:25 PM »

Reading your response really hit a nerve, and that's a good thing. Does sound silly when you put it the way you did.

Very much appreciated.
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