Thank you all for your replies! My children and I are safe. We left him and our home a few hours after the incident (under the protection of the police). Charges weren't pressed and he wasn't arrested... .All I wanted to do was get out and away.
Turkish: my family is aware of everything that has happened. I haven't told them about the PD. I'm still wrapping my head around it and I'm afraid if I can't explain it correctly I won't get retional / helpful responses. We don't need any more wood in that fire.
Mutt: thanks for the explanation. He's def NOT self aware and is constantly saying he knows he needs help (for his unhappiness is all). He does blame all our circumstances for his behavior and is a victim in everything, never taking responsibility. All I know is I can't go back to what we had and I can't give in to his promises... .So I feel like it's gonna be a long hard road. He's not gonna like it.
bestversionofme: I totally fell into codependency. I'm actually going to al-Anon (bc those r a huge part of our issues) and looking for some additional counseling. Stop walking on eggshells is my next purchase
but I'm very blessed, I have an amazing family and support group that helps me process and keeps me accountable. They aren't professionals but they've helped to get me to this point. Now I just need to find more specific counseling.
Thanks for the welcome and the help guys