3 months out and feeling surprisingly good

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Even though I knew it was likely coming, my ex-dBPD wife's decision to file for divorce less than three months ago initially hit me like a ton of bricks.  At the time, I was devastated and assumed emotional recovery would extend well beyond the six months of legal separation required for divorce in my state (and maybe even involve seeking therapy as some suggested).

Yet, less than three months in, I feel surprisingly free and detached.  I've dropped a fair bit of weight, have noticed a significant decline in my stress levels (likely a factor in the weight loss), and have found my personality quickly reverting to what it was a decade ago.  Combined with the added confidence that has seemingly come with age and experience, my interpersonal skills appear to be the best they've been in life.  I'm talking improvement to the point where I've unintentionally gained the attention of a cute chick about 8 years younger than I am.  (No worries.  Even though I'm not seeing any red flags, I know better than to get myself into anything this quickly.  I'm enjoying the time alone.  Ego boost is surely helping the recovery though). 

All the while, I've maintained minimal contact with my ex as we plan for the divorce, and have noticed she no longer has the same power over me.  She can frustrate me as any ex can during divorce proceedings, but the siren's call that would have drawn me back in so many times prior simply falls on deaf ears.  She's even back peddled as of late (no surprise), begging me to take her back.  Yet, it really means nothing to me.  I simply remind her she made the decision, and this is where it brought us.

Now, as I've become more and more aware of this in recent weeks, I've begun to consider why the process has proceeded so quickly and painlessly.  All I can come up with, is that I began subconsciously working my way through the five stages of detachment late last spring when I sensed the divorce was coming.  As a result, I was somewhere between steps 3 and 4 by the time she ever announced her decision.  In fact, by the time her decision came, I had already re-upped my dedication to my job (since earning high praise from the new owner of the company including being "indispensable" and "the future of the company" and had begun to re-immerse myself into old hobbies (cycling & fishing).

It still seems crazy to feel so fully detached so soon, but to feel like myself again after a decade is a wonderful feeling.  I'm sure the process will continue (and hiccups are possible), but it's just a great feeling and I just wanted to share.

[ADecadeLost]

Even though I knew it was likely coming, my ex-dBPD wife's decision to file for divorce less than three months ago initially hit me like a ton of bricks.  At the time, I was devastated and assumed emotional recovery would extend well beyond the six months of legal separation required for divorce in my state (and maybe even involve seeking therapy as some suggested).

Yet, less than three months in, I feel surprisingly free and detached.  I've dropped a fair bit of weight, have noticed a significant decline in my stress levels (likely a factor in the weight loss), and have found my personality quickly reverting to what it was a decade ago.  Combined with the added confidence that has seemingly come with age and experience, my interpersonal skills appear to be the best they've been in life.  I'm talking improvement to the point where I've unintentionally gained the attention of a cute chick about 8 years younger than I am.  (No worries.  Even though I'm not seeing any red flags, I know better than to get myself into anything this quickly.  I'm enjoying the time alone.  Ego boost is surely helping the recovery though). 

All the while, I've maintained minimal contact with my ex as we plan for the divorce, and have noticed she no longer has the same power over me.  She can frustrate me as any ex can during divorce proceedings, but the siren's call that would have drawn me back in so many times prior simply falls on deaf ears.  She's even back peddled as of late (no surprise), begging me to take her back.  Yet, it really means nothing to me.  I simply remind her she made the decision, and this is where it brought us.

Now, as I've become more and more aware of this in recent weeks, I've begun to consider why the process has proceeded so quickly and painlessly.  All I can come up with, is that I began subconsciously working my way through the five stages of detachment late last spring when I sensed the divorce was coming.  As a result, I was somewhere between steps 3 and 4 by the time she ever announced her decision.  In fact, by the time her decision came, I had already re-upped my dedication to my job (since earning high praise from the new owner of the company including being "indispensable" and "the future of the company" and had begun to re-immerse myself into old hobbies (cycling & fishing).

It still seems crazy to feel so fully detached so soon, but to feel like myself again after a decade is a wonderful feeling.  I'm sure the process will continue (and hiccups are possible), but it's just a great feeling and I just wanted to share.

[guy4caligirl]

I am very happy for you as many other  members would be I am getting the 4 months now it only get better with time

Good luck to you .

GUY4me  my new name !

[Shankz]

good for you keep it up!

take good care of yourself