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Rockylove
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« on: June 20, 2013, 07:59:08 PM » |
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I'm absolutely sick to my stomach. We agreed that we wanted to spend our wedding night alone. Now I just found out that his son (who causes so much trouble in our relationship) is planning to come up for the wedding. He'll no doubt spend the night because he lives 3 hrs away. I'm out of my mind with this. I don't want him here.
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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
 This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
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united for now
Retired Staff
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: separated
Posts: 8708
Talking about solutions create solutions
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« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2013, 08:28:49 PM » |
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Has it been confirmed that he will stay with you?
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Rockylove
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« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2013, 04:06:04 AM » |
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No, but he has nowhere else to stay and he's playing a music gig in the afternoon before he heads up here so he'll have been drinking. This is a very big issue for me. Whenever he comes up here, he wants to stay up all night partying (he does it at home too) and that's not what my bf and I talked about. He was the one that said he just wanted it to be the two of us and then changed his mind and wanted a few close friends, but he said "I want everyone to be out of here by midnight." The way his son guzzles beer, he'll not likely tell him to leave because it would be dangerous. Grrrrrrrrrrr! Catch 22. I can't tell him that his son isn't welcome, but I just don't know how to set a boundary on this.
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united for now
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: separated
Posts: 8708
Talking about solutions create solutions
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« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2013, 04:30:08 AM » |
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Call him a cab?
What prevents you (or son) from getting a hotel room?v
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Rockylove
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« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2013, 04:49:17 AM » |
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We live out in the country. Finding a cab would be a challenge, but I could look into it. I don't want to have to leave. We made an agreement based on my fiance's desires. I un-invited 40 people to our wedding because he was feeling overwhelmed and just wanted it to be the two of us. Then he changed his mind and said he wanted just a few close friends. His son (and likely another friend of theirs) will be up all night drinking and playing music and my fiance always lets himself get caught up in that. I've got a miserable cold. I haven't slept well in days. I've been working every day for the past 3 weeks and I was really looking forward to a peaceful weekend. This just sucks the life out of me. Maybe I'm just worrying over nothing, but the pattern of the past has my skin crawling right now.
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patientandclear
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« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2013, 08:58:21 AM » |
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It's your wedding. You are not over-reacting. I got married to my exH (not the BPD man I'm on here about) for financial reasons -- not very romantic. After the "ceremony," a judge wedding with my family present, they took us out for dinner and then we went home. He got drunk and talked about how unimportant it was for him.
I thought it didn't matter to me -- I'd long ago let go of aspirations of marriage, I thought -- but it was just awful having what people thing of as the moment to celebrate one another be so trashed by my "partner." In some ways, we never got over this.
I hope it all goes differently than it feels to you like it might right now.
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Rockylove
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« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2013, 06:10:40 AM » |
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Thanks, P&C. I spoke to him last night about this and it almost turned ugly. I have made it clear that I don't want a drunken free for all tonight. Perhaps he'll find a way to make this not be the case. Guess we'll see.
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patientandclear
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« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2013, 10:27:31 AM » |
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This is your wedding day right? Congratulations, RL, and hope it is a wonderful day/evening/night.
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Rockylove
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« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2013, 10:56:24 AM » |
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This is your wedding day right? Congratulations, RL, and hope it is a wonderful day/evening/night. Many thanks! The weather is perfect for a moonlight wedding and some friends came yesterday to help get the yard cleaned up. I just found out that his son's music gig time has changed to 4pm-7pm. My fiance told him "it's all good because we're not having a big party any way." I hope he takes the hint because I certainly don't want him showing up after 10pm! Most likely he won't come and that's just fine with me. I've been grinning like a Cheshire cat since I woke this morning. Life is good. |
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zaqsert
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, starting divorce process
Posts: 300
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« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2013, 01:55:17 PM » |
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Congratulations, Rockylove! I also hope it's as wonderful as you dreamed it would be!
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arabella
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« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2013, 03:20:43 PM » |
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Oh happy day, Rockylove! Wishing you only the very best!
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Rockylove
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« Reply #11 on: June 23, 2013, 10:08:24 AM » |
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Thank you so much! The wedding was perfect. The evening was perfect. Everyone left by midnight (after they cleaned up everything and put away all the leftovers~~I do love our friends!) We're beginning a new chapter in this crazy thing we call life... . and I'm welcoming it~~challenges and all.
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KateCat
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« Reply #12 on: June 23, 2013, 10:50:27 AM » |
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What a wonderful night for a moon-dance! Congratulations, Rockylove! Keep rocking those lessons you've learned here.  |
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Rockylove
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« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2013, 11:06:41 AM » |
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What a wonderful night for a moon-dance! Congratulations, Rockylove! Keep rocking those lessons you've learned here. Yes, KateCat! We had a whole set list of moon & dance songs playing  The wedding would never have happened had it not been for the lessons I've learned here. I can't begin to tell you all how valuable all of this has been for me and ultimately our relationship. I know there will be snags and some setbacks, but I know how to keep myself from going down if the ship starts to sink and for that I owe all of you much gratitude. |
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Scarlet Phoenix
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Together 9 years
Posts: 1155
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« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2013, 11:28:07 AM » |
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Congratulations Rockylove!
That's wonderful news!
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 ~~ The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; who strives valiantly; who errs; who comes short again and again ... and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly ~~ Become who you are ~~ |
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Chosen
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« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2013, 01:38:06 AM » |
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Congrats Rockylove and wish you all the best in the days that follow. And remember, we're always here for you
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Rockylove
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« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2013, 05:15:26 AM » |
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Thank you, Chosen. I'll not stray far from the board or the lessons. Things have changed because I've changed, but I know that I need to continue to remind myself of what I need to do in order to stay mentally healthy~~it's an ongoing process and I intend to continue to educate myself and grow spiritually and mentally stronger.
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connect
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« Reply #17 on: June 24, 2013, 10:49:58 AM » |
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Congratulations to you!
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