Mrscleaver, I can identify. My son is newly diagnosed, and he’s been hospitalized/psych ward three times this year.
The spiraling is the hardest thing I’ve been through; wondering every night if I’ll get that phone call, if he’s going to attempt suicide causes me much anxiety. Here’s what is helping me:
1. Reading about the disorder. I have to take it in small doses and try to focus my reading on problem solving, how best to interact with my son and help him get through this. I find this resource helpful.
https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/family-guidelines/2. Self care. I’ve been exercising more than ever. Long walks when I can, cardio for at least 20 min (to the extent you can’t carry a conversation), and getting sufficient sleep. I’m prioritizing these things right now so that I don’t spiral with my son. When I can, I will add therapy to this list of self care.
3. Join a NAMI group where you will find family members struggling with a relative with a serious mental health disorder. It helps to not feel alone. Read posts on this site for the same reason.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hope my list helps.