I dont think I learned my lesson... I talked to her again

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Dear Legal, on these boards we have seen everything. People have lost their houses,  their health, their sanity, their jobs, their children, their relatives, ended up in courts accused of Heaven knows what, landed themselves with debt which would take years to pay off, given up their friends and families and moved far away only to end up abused with nowhere to go. This is not to say we have not seen positive things as well, there has been plenty of positive, not least the solidarity we show one another. Please understand when people advise you it is not coming out of the blue. I sympathize with your desire to hold out, it is now only a few days to the anniversary. But as soon as you are able, please take some thought for yourself! You have lost enough to BPD. Don't hand over your future as well.

You can post as long as you like. I look forward to seeing you welcome newbies to the board one day My ambition is to reach 5000 posts, like some of the Distinguished Members around here.  There is a satisfaction in seeing people come right that never fades, and makes meaning of the suffering we have gone through.
 

dont think Id end up to 5000 posts.. Id be lucky to get to 500 .  cant stop and rest from the train wreck, june is fast approaching, I need to do my test...

[legalboxers]

Dear Legal, on these boards we have seen everything. People have lost their houses,  their health, their sanity, their jobs, their children, their relatives, ended up in courts accused of Heaven knows what, landed themselves with debt which would take years to pay off, given up their friends and families and moved far away only to end up abused with nowhere to go. This is not to say we have not seen positive things as well, there has been plenty of positive, not least the solidarity we show one another. Please understand when people advise you it is not coming out of the blue. I sympathize with your desire to hold out, it is now only a few days to the anniversary. But as soon as you are able, please take some thought for yourself! You have lost enough to BPD. Don't hand over your future as well.

You can post as long as you like. I look forward to seeing you welcome newbies to the board one day My ambition is to reach 5000 posts, like some of the Distinguished Members around here.  There is a satisfaction in seeing people come right that never fades, and makes meaning of the suffering we have gone through.
 

dont think Id end up to 5000 posts.. Id be lucky to get to 500 .  cant stop and rest from the train wreck, june is fast approaching, I need to do my test...

[SinisterComplex]

LB, for all intents and purposes...I hope I don't see you on this board often moving forward. I mean that in a good way. I am on this board to help others because of my background, not for healing purposes...although this board was and is a great resource for that. Focus on what really matters and kick $$ amigo!

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[legalboxers]

LB, for all intents and purposes...I hope I don't see you on this board often moving forward. I mean that in a good way. I am on this board to help others because of my background, not for healing purposes...although this board was and is a great resource for that. Focus on what really matters and kick $$ amigo!

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

ok...

[legalboxers]

I guess one last thing I need to say about it is.. She said she has someone. told her I was happy. Between you me and the 4 walls, don't know for how long, not going to ask not going to care. I asked her if she wanted me to come by on the date of, again, didnt tell me. So Im gonna let it drop. Going to wish her a happy birthday on the day, and that's it. Wipe my hands clean of it and move on.

[yeeter]

Wipe my hands clean of it and move on.

This will take work and will not come quickly.  So DO continue to post here.  Listen to the advice.  Accept the support that is so generously offered.

Recovery is a process, and is different for everyone.  Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself during the process.

A friend of mine would ask me "Are you doing better this week than you were last week?".  Then it was "Are your doing better this month than you were last month?  And recently "Are you doing better now than you were a year ago at this time?"

That macro level check-in was helpful to me to pull me out of the moment and consider the bigger picture/trend.

So check in weekly and just share how it is going for you this week vs last week.  Then after a while, give us a monthly checkin. 

And of course just check in and post any time you feel like you need some support and guidance.  Sometimes just hanging out around others that have some understanding of the dynamics can be helpful.  Even if just talking about the weather...

 

[legalboxers]

This will take work and will not come quickly.  So DO continue to post here.  Listen to the advice.  Accept the support that is so generously offered.

Recovery is a process, and is different for everyone.  Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself during the process.

A friend of mine would ask me "Are you doing better this week than you were last week?".  Then it was "Are your doing better this month than you were last month?  And recently "Are you doing better now than you were a year ago at this time?"

That macro level check-in was helpful to me to pull me out of the moment and consider the bigger picture/trend.

So check in weekly and just share how it is going for you this week vs last week.  Then after a while, give us a monthly checkin. 

And of course just check in and post any time you feel like you need some support and guidance.  Sometimes just hanging out around others that have some understanding of the dynamics can be helpful.  Even if just talking about the weather...

 

thats all I can do... right?

[khibomsis]

On tough days, I just focus on what I can do to move myself forward. The harder it is, the more reluctant I get to spend any more energy on BPD. You get to move forward. She only will do that in therapy with plenty of hard work. Don't let her hold you back, LB. Don't give away your power like that.
 

[legalboxers]

On tough days, I just focus on what I can do to move myself forward. The harder it is, the more reluctant I get to spend any more energy on BPD. You get to move forward. She only will do that in therapy with plenty of hard work. Don't let her hold you back, LB. Don't give away your power like that.
 

what if power is forcefully taken