Aston
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2
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« on: February 16, 2021, 03:55:49 PM » |
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Hello,
This is my very first post, so thank you to those who are listening.
I have been happily married for nearly 15 years. My wife is a very kind and compassionate person, and I love the woman I chose to spend my life with.
It kind of started after we had our first child. She seemed extremely depressed the first week of his life, and had little to do with him. I'm not a psychologist, but am well educated, and I suspect it may have been an undiagnosed form of postpartum depression. My wife was career oriented, but soon chose to be a stay at home Mom; I was supportive either way. Numerous times since his birth, and more so after our second child's birth, she began to go through severe episodes of generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsion and panic; clinically diagnosed. At some points in time, she would be incapacitated for a week or two at a time. Many of her triggers were specific to abandonment; like the kids being kidnapped, or I was away too much from home. When the episodes would occur, they were very intrinsic. She would very sad and feel empty; describing it as a 'black hole'. She would focus on her fears of loss and abandonment and feel unworthy of our relationship. In some circumstances she voiced the urge to leave, or getaway. It was never directed at me personally. However, something changed again in the last few years. She started to go through wild mood swings, become acutely and extremely angry over simple disagreements. The blame was very suddenly directed at me, and that I was a 'cause' for her anxiety given my heavy work schedule and my direct way of talking; albeit very calm. Swearing became a more regular part of these angry outbursts, and binge eating and drinking seemed to be part of her coping mechanism. She even started to make accusations regarding my family involvement, potential infidelities (of which there were none) and showed more resentment towards my work. She would tell friends and family how great of a father and husband I was, and go as far to say that I was her perfect balance; something opposite of these negative swings. I took some coaching to learn how to be a better active listener, rather than trying to 'solve' things. I'm already pretty calm an collected, but it's an exercise that needs ongoing practice as I'm always having to be so careful what to say because I never know how she'll act. A colleagues' husband is a Psychiatrist, and her sister is a Masters of Psychology. Although not officially diagnosed, both have implied BPD as a probable underlying issue.
Anyways, that's it for now.
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