hi wilsonian
i wont pretend i know what you're going through,but i do know how it feels like to be helpless in front of BPD dysregulation.
perhaps you can specify as to how your relationship with your SO was before all these problems happened.perhaps this is a phase and it will blow over,obviously only if youre willing to stick around while it does if it is a phase.
also,how long have the both of you been together,
any kids?
im new to these boards,other people might know this,but unfortunately i dont,so would you please let me know some things?
do you want her to pull away,and to try and get to pulling away yourself,because you did say you are considering undecided.
if you do or are,then there is no shame in that,i know many bad things have happened in the past few months,and she might be dysregualted,but i think we should be proud of taking care of ourselves too,congratulate ourselves that we have the courage when another human being is literally dependent on us.it is a huge load to carry,
if you do want to move to 'undecided' and start moving away,know this,that you have all the support you want.
think about your well-being,and happiness first,whatever that may encompass. whether therapy,moving with the way things are right now,doing something about them,or accepting a relationships end.