Why is he acting like this? Do you think I'm right and that he's trying to punish me, and he's clearly pushing me away. He acts like his ego was hurt, and like I betrayed him. I felt every threat and time he cussed me out was a betrayal, but I took it for far too long. How do I deal with all this? How can he flip what he wants on a dime like he did? I just want to hang in there long enough to make my exit when he is gone... .
This doesn't sound like someone who has made peace with leaving and will be moving in 60 days.
Nor does this (below). I posted these questions on the Law Board
he wants me to get a job and just hand over my paycheck to him to help with his debts he's accrued. He even told me last night that even though payday is tomorrow, don't spend ANY money. So, now groceries, no gas for the car, no things we actually need? This is just more control, isn't it? I'd asked him a few days ago where he wants me to get the job, meaning here where we live, or where I'd move home to if we divorce. He would not give me an answer other than "do what you want", so I took that as he's not serious about me getting a job, or he'd have given me an answer?
You are in the 4th stage of communication breakdown. You are reacting and triggering to years of disappointment with each other in a spiraling cycle that you are not interested in resolving anymore. You left the bedroom. Later he kicked you out. Its all resentment and triggering now. Very little can be taken at face value from either side. You said in another thread that doing an ambush/ghosting departure in October was necessary because he would be reactive - in the same post you said he should be ok with it as he has threatened divorce.
Simply put, you both are expecting the other person to solve this.
Stage Four Rather than face the pain and overwhelm they expect to experience, partners who have reached this third 'defensive' stage, may progress to the forth and final stage of breakdown, characterized by a breakdown of basic trust between the partners, and increasing disengagement in the name of self-protection. Like a steam-valve in a pressure cooker, the partners start avoiding one another so as to minimize their conflicts. Gottman calls this final stage, "Stonewalling", perhaps after the image of a partner hiding behind a stone wall designed to protect him or her from further assault. Unfortunately, there is no way to love your partner when you are hiding behind a wall to protect yourself from him or her.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/your-relationship-breaking-downIf you're leaving in 50 days, you would be best served by focusing on the complexities of that. I noticed that you stopped participating in your thread on the Law board. Maybe its best to reengage that.
