Harsh words

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Has anyone ever said some pretty harsh words to exBPD after breakup ? If so what happened afterwards? How did they react, did they forgive you ?

[savreina]

Has anyone ever said some pretty harsh words to exBPD after breakup ? If so what happened afterwards? How did they react, did they forgive you ?

[In a bad way]

Has anyone ever said some pretty harsh words to exBPD after breakup ? If so what happened afterwards? How did they react, did they forgive you ?

Oh yes I said some pretty harsh stuff, it was of course all true, also I had been trying to tell her in a nice way for months off and on. Trying to explain to her all the hurtful things she did which she either couldn't see or wouldn't acknowledge, I lost it in the end and told her via text (our only form of communication at the end) in a no holds barred manner.
She never spoke to me again.

[JustNeedToTalk]

Yes I did. All truths and exposed him for what he really is. Resulted in back and forth attacks and then declarations of love and apologies. Back to abuse. This was over a month ago and I am still blocked on everything. I doubt he will ever contact me again. I’m trying to come to terms with this.

What did you say?

[pearlsw]

Hi saverina,

Is this something you have experienced too? Would be interested to hear more about what inspired your post.

take care, pearl.

[savreina]

Just an example of what I said, don’t judge me but one of the things I said was “I’m tired of you playing the victim acting like everyone is soo horrible when it’s your actions, your lack of empathy & lack of peoples feelings which is why you can’t stay in a relationship” and I told her I hated her with everything in me & some more stuff. Mind you I strongly suspect that she’s BPD she’s never told me tho

[Jeffree]

Has anyone ever said some pretty harsh words to exBPD after breakup ? If so what happened afterwards? How did they react, did they forgive you ?

Hell yes I did. As a matter of fact, I just did it the other day.

Afterward, I received a text back not owning anything of what I accused her of and, of course, no apology. Basically dismissing the whole thing.

Forgive me for the words? What for? To her they're just the silly ramblings of the bitter, angry man she had to leave because she was feeling unsafe.

It's the epitome of talking to a wall.

J

[savreina]

Hi Jeffree, I most definitely can relate to that. All I got back was being called a b**** and told that she’ll be up here this weekend so I can say everything to her face. She doesn’t realize she pushed me too far & I snapped. She acted as if I said it just to say it

[Jeffree]

I am sure that's what she thinks. But they truly do not realize when they've overplayed their hand. It really is incredible.

Here's the thing... .nothing you've tried to say, do, write, and no matter how you expressed it made any difference, so why not try something different... .or nothing at all.

J

[savreina]

it’s kind of weird though because I feel so free from her abuse but things weren’t supposed to end how they ended. If anyone deserves an apology it is me, but will I ever get one? Doubt it! I can’t do anything but move on and be blessed that I dodged a bullet

[In a bad way]

A couple of the last phone calls I had with her went along the lines of me trying to tell her in a nice way about what she was doing and how it made me feel, that was just met with her telling me I was talking rubbish and it wasn't true.
Another she asked me to come round to her house and I said I will but we need to have that serious talk she keeps putting off, she just said that I wasn't picking a very good time because she had an headache.
Over the months before that any attempt at a grown up discussion was met with either silence or she would just go into a rage saying I'm controlling her and picking on her. Usually with her then telling me to eff off out of her house.
I think she must have known I had valid points I was trying to discuss, but she couldn't deal with it, all it would have took was a few minutes to listen to my point but she obviously couldn't handle it.
Probably because she knew I was right (you would need the context), maybe she felt guilty? Maybe she felt shame? Whatever the reason she wouldn't be mature and adult about it, it really was like trying to explain to a five year old that their behaviour was not acceptable, and the five year old throwing a tantrum because they were not mature enough to accept responsibility.
But if she didn't throw a fit instead of talk or silence she had mastered how to put off the talk to the point where days would go by of "we will talk tonight" "oh I'm not talking about that now"
Then it would be her accusing me of always wanting to talk about the same thing.
I tried near the end on the phone where I wanted an answer to a simple question that I wasn't getting, she said she was fed up with me asking the same question, I told her it was because she kept avoiding it so to just answer the question.
She said "what question?".
That kind of sent my "I can't believe I'm hearing this and is it me, am I mad?" over the edge.
I just replied the question you just accused me of keep asking.
Her reply was that she didn't know what I was talking about, and what question, she said I hadn't asked one. Yet she just accused me of asking the same one.

[In a bad way]

Remind me not to try and edit a post in future, I clicked modify within the time limit but typing took me over the time limit and it wouldn't post. I thought once you clicked modify it would then give you time to type... LOL
I just wanted to add this.

I mean come on, how can you accuse someone of asking the same question and then 30 seconds later claim not to know what the question is and claim you have no idea what the person is talking about, and say they haven't asked a question?
This was an important thing for our relationship, she knew that but it was avoid at all costs because it was grown up stuff.
Or did she believe what she had just said? Was she crazier than I thought?
Was it both?
I am a rational human being, I can see things from different perspectives, but I will never understand her thinking. She was not rational, it was like trying to connect a paper back book to a computer and expect it to work.

[savreina]

I never knew what I was getting myself into. Like the first time she split me I was so lost and confused. As much as I know she’s no good for me & I said I was done I can’t help but to think how things would be if she was at least in therapy and high functioning. Anyone else ever feel like that? That you hope things could work ONE DAY

[JNChell]

I most definitely did. I’m sure that I’ll eventually wish that I hadn’t, seeing as how she’s the mother of our Son. I was pretty relentless and consistent with the things I conveyed. At the end of it all she told me that I don’t mean s**t to her. That I’m nothing more than the father of her Son. There is no forgiveness there. Not from my side either... .yet. I had strong feelings about the what if’s. If she was actively trying to get better and all of that. The fact is that I tried everything to get her to not shut the door on our little family. Now, as those “what if’s” are beginning to fade, I’m finding a little relief in the fact that she has painted me black and didn’t let me back in. I know that it’s best for me. I have plenty of my own healing and work to do myself. Ending up back with her would’ve been a brick wall to my inward journey and I likely wouldn’t have survived another go around with her.

[Jeffree]

Anyone else ever feel like that? That you hope things could work ONE DAY

Things worked perfectly great in the beginning, then when they started to unravel I did everything I could think of to keep it all together, and when those efforts were constantly insulted... .no. I have nothing left for my STBx anymore, and it's been a good couple of years since I have given a hoot about her. Hell, I'm so fried I don't even know what interest level I have for things working out with someone new, let alone the creep who crushed every ounce of spirit out of me.

J

[savreina]

Who would’ve ever thought that someone could leave such a horrible mark in your life. I REALLY thought I found my soulmate , Little did I know. I’m just hoping that she doesn’t pop up like she did last time. Do you guys have them blocked anywhere? I feel like that’s the only way to keep her far far FAR away until I’m fully healed.

[JNChell]

I have a child with mine, so unfortunately contact is necessary. If we didn’t have a child together I would have her blocked from all facets of my life. I’d highly recommend blocking your ex from your life completely if your goal is to move on from her.

[Jeffree]

I can't tell you just how significantly I felt for my STBx. I came to refer to her as my dream girl. She was the first girl I ever fell in love with at first sight back when I was 13 and just had to ask her out. Then all the twists and turns our lives took to be married 30 years later seemed like a dream come true. Now I can't even look at her. As sexy as she used to seem to me, she's now just a complete trainwreck that I have to turn my eyes away from.  

I have blocked her from my cell phone and work email. Personal email is next, if she doesn't stop bothering me. She has nothing but problems to send me and I don't need them anymore. I have enough on my plate trying to get my life back in order.

J

[savreina]

Jeffree , did you leave her or she left you? Mine hasn’t tried to contact me yet, but I guess it’s only been a few days so she’s more than likely still pissed at me & also I have her number blocked so that could be a reason too!

[savreina]

Also I reached out to her ex bf the one she replaced me with and she told me she’d Never forgive me for that... I just don’t see the harm in what I did because I felt like I owed him an apology because she had always told me she left him because of her feelings for me. If I hadn’t allowed her back into my life she wouldn’t have left him, idk honestly . But I feel like she’s really mad because I ruined the chances of her recycling him

[Pencil sketch]

I went to town on mine, all the injustice and frustration, just spewed out. I had the generic, you are nuts, reply.
I felt so guilty, that I stooped to her level, I sent her some flowers yet an apology, and a closure statement, the only time, I got a thank you.
She was her usual spiteful self, and accused me of underhanded tactics, to get her to contact me.
I told her, to never ever, bother me again.
She is out of my life.

[savreina]

How many times did you guys get recycled? (Sorry for all of the questions)

[Pencil sketch]

I went ballistic at mine. All that pent up pain and frustration, she called me a nutter, and changed her number, or so I thought.
I sent her some flowers, such was my guilt, was to apologise, and provide closure, and it helped. I know she has a condition, but, I want to acknowledge my mistakes.
She messaged back, from the same number, so I assume she has more than one phone.
We had a brief exchange, and I asked her for the final time to leave me alone. No more contact, permanently.
I feel better, I was pretty harsh, and threw everything but the kitchen sink at her, and I don't like behaving like that, oddly enough, she is the only person, who has made me react like this.
That says something.

[savreina]

Should I apologize for what I said or just let it go? I Feel bad about what I said because it’s out of my character

[JNChell]

Would it make you feel better to apologize? Are you prepared for a hurtful response?

[savreina]

It would make me feel better & im prepared. I already know that everything that’s gonna be said is gonna be BS or some type of projection

[Jeffree]

Jeffree , did you leave her or she left you?

I left the bedroom, then she eventually moved out.

Should I apologize for what I said or just let it go? I Feel bad about what I said because it’s out of my character


I'd be careful. She could very well inspire something else out of you not in your character.

I remember the day my STBx was all up in my face, badgering me, and acting menacingly toward me. I asked her nicely to leave me alone, and she kept on. I asked her again and again. I yelled at her to go away. Then I yelled at the top of my lungs that I hated her. It just flew out, like a knee-jerk reaction. Totally out of character, and she hardly flinched and kept coming at me. Would not stop. And here I was thinking incredulously that I just told my wife I hated her, and wondering what she was going to spew out of that miserable mouth of hers.

I laughed at her and sneered, "I will never give you the satisfaction you're looking for in giving you a legit excuse to see me as worse than your dad so you can put him back on the pedestal you so desperately want him on." And I left the house to get away from her taunting.

I will say this, savreina, they are poison, and there's no telling what their agenda is and what they'll stoop to in order to get it across to us, and there's no way to predict how we'll respond in the heat of that battle. All I do know is that there's no "winning" with them, and the best we can do is distance ourselves from them.

J

[savreina]

Well I sent a message & my number is still blocked. Most likely for the best though. I miss the good times, when things were good they were actually GREAT. I told her I hated her with everything in me & I feel bad because I don’t hate anyone honestly. Am I the only one who things that “too good at goodbyes” is such a perfect song for our situations?

[Jeffree]

How many times did you guys get recycled? (Sorry for all of the questions)


Only one time that I know of for sure. But emotionally and occasionally? I have no idea. Could be dozens. Both my wives were outside sales reps, so who knows what they were up to?

J

[Pencil sketch]

I apologised for me, not her. I know the difference, between right and wrong, and how we can all say things, in the heat of the moment, just to get a response, I feel better in myself, that I have the decency, and humility, to recognise my mistakes, and acknowledge it... .oddly enough, most of it was true, and she deserved it, doesn't make it right though.

[savreina]

I’m a little nervous of what our next conversation would be like, my birthday is Feb 5th I’m wondering if she’ll reach out to me & if so should I respond... it’ll be week since we last spoke by then, she always seems to contact me a week after blocking me