Is she playing with my head?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My BPD wife has played with my head so many times. 

She dropped me off for an alanon meeting and when she came back I noticed that her shirt was buttoned up crooked.  I waited until we got home and I pointed it out to her.  She made a big scene that she must have buttoned it wrong before we left home.  I know that it wasn't.  I know that she re-buttoned it while I was at the meeting.  I honestly don't think she was with anyone.  I think that she wants me to think she was with someone.

I had to go on a trip.  While I was gone, she was to check on some machinery that we operate in our business.  I was driving back and had about 700 miles to go.  I had stopped the night and called home.  The teenage kids didn't know where she was.  When she finally got home around 11pm she said she was checking the machinery.  I told her it was too late and that the area was too secluded and that she shouldn't go there late at night.  She made light of it.  Two days later after I got home she and I were driving along.  The subject of the machinery came up.  I again stated that she shouldn't go there at night.  I then asked her where the data was that she was to collect.  She replied, "We've written it on a piece of paper."  I responded, "Who is we?"  She responded, "What?"  Again I said, "Who is we?  You said, "'We've written it on a piece of paper.'"  She said, "No I didn't I said, 'I've written it on a piece of paper.'  You are just trying to start something."  The argument and screaming began at that point.  I have a good friend who lives in the area of the machinery.  I was speaking with him a few weeks later and he basically said, "By the way, I saw your wife at the machinery the other night.  I didn't know who it was so I stopped to check."  In other words, there was a "we". 

Because of stuff like this, I think that she is screwing with my head all the time.  I think she does all kinds of stuff to start an argument.

What do you folks think?  Have you dealt with similar behavior.  Do you think she is doing this stuff on purpose or am I just over reacting.  There are many more examples but she has an excuse for whatever happens.  I don't have this problem with anyone else in my life and I deal with lots of people all the time.

[tired-of-it-all]

My BPD wife has played with my head so many times. 

She dropped me off for an alanon meeting and when she came back I noticed that her shirt was buttoned up crooked.  I waited until we got home and I pointed it out to her.  She made a big scene that she must have buttoned it wrong before we left home.  I know that it wasn't.  I know that she re-buttoned it while I was at the meeting.  I honestly don't think she was with anyone.  I think that she wants me to think she was with someone.

I had to go on a trip.  While I was gone, she was to check on some machinery that we operate in our business.  I was driving back and had about 700 miles to go.  I had stopped the night and called home.  The teenage kids didn't know where she was.  When she finally got home around 11pm she said she was checking the machinery.  I told her it was too late and that the area was too secluded and that she shouldn't go there late at night.  She made light of it.  Two days later after I got home she and I were driving along.  The subject of the machinery came up.  I again stated that she shouldn't go there at night.  I then asked her where the data was that she was to collect.  She replied, "We've written it on a piece of paper."  I responded, "Who is we?"  She responded, "What?"  Again I said, "Who is we?  You said, "'We've written it on a piece of paper.'"  She said, "No I didn't I said, 'I've written it on a piece of paper.'  You are just trying to start something."  The argument and screaming began at that point.  I have a good friend who lives in the area of the machinery.  I was speaking with him a few weeks later and he basically said, "By the way, I saw your wife at the machinery the other night.  I didn't know who it was so I stopped to check."  In other words, there was a "we". 

Because of stuff like this, I think that she is screwing with my head all the time.  I think she does all kinds of stuff to start an argument.

What do you folks think?  Have you dealt with similar behavior.  Do you think she is doing this stuff on purpose or am I just over reacting.  There are many more examples but she has an excuse for whatever happens.  I don't have this problem with anyone else in my life and I deal with lots of people all the time.

[Want2know]

Running into discrepancies and understanding the reality with someone with BPD can be difficult - so sorry you are questioning yourself and her.   

Hard to say what the truth is... . you say you have other experiences such as these, so my gut is telling me she is hiding something in order to protect herself, and not necessarily to mess with your head.  What she is hiding and why she feels she needs to protect herself may be difficult to know unless you can have some kind of open conversation with her about it all.  Have you tried any marriage counseling?  Having a 3rd party to help you work through these things can be very helpful and revealing.

I have to ask, you have been married for a long time and a member here since 2012, and most of your posts are on Undecided.  What do you see as your future with her?  Remain married?  If so, you might want to take a look at the tools on our Staying board which could at least help with your communication.

[SoWhat]

This is very interesting.

My BPDwife likes to say things that make her appear irresistible to other men. Like:

"My co-worker guys who went to the weeding keep talking about how I'm so good looking for you... . they keep saying I'm way out of your league."

"All these guys on this street keep checking me out... . right in front of you!"

and so on.

I guess it's for validation. In my wife's defense, she is out of my league, looks-wise.