A Little Hope In The Darkness

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi All

Haven't been on the boards much the last few months. It's been a good thing. I'm moving on!  I just wanted to share a little story to let people know there is hope.

Quick back story - almost exactly a year ago I broke off a two year relationship with my exBPD/bipolar fiancé. Yes I left him due mainly to the out of control rages. It was the hardest and darkest period of my life. You can back and read some of my old posts for more details. Only by reading this board and feeling that others out there understood my situation did I move on.

No contact is the way to go... .  when you are ready. You will know when the time is right. It took me five months after the breakup to go NC. It isn't wasn't easy. He still reaches out often but I don't feel the need to respond.

I'm no longer anxious all of the time, I get to spend quality time with friends and family without being made to feel guilty and most importantly I feel safe in my home again. Peace of mind is worth the NC.

Today would have been our third anniversary. When I went to my car at lunch there was a card on the windshield from him. I did get upset momentarily, but not because I missed what we had, but more because he continues to try to break down the boundaries I have set. I am stronger than his games and all of you are too. We all deserve to have a peaceful life. We didn't set out to be caretakers, we set out to find partners. I don't know that I can fully explain how empowering it is to know that you really are done with riding their rollercoaster. I took the card, read the thoughtful notes, and then I threw it away and went on about my day and did some shopping and dinner with family. He no longer controls how my days go.

Hope this will help someone who is still in the FOG. You will make it through. Just give it time.

-beachgirl

[beachgirl009]

Hi All

Haven't been on the boards much the last few months. It's been a good thing. I'm moving on!  I just wanted to share a little story to let people know there is hope.

Quick back story - almost exactly a year ago I broke off a two year relationship with my exBPD/bipolar fiancé. Yes I left him due mainly to the out of control rages. It was the hardest and darkest period of my life. You can back and read some of my old posts for more details. Only by reading this board and feeling that others out there understood my situation did I move on.

No contact is the way to go... .  when you are ready. You will know when the time is right. It took me five months after the breakup to go NC. It isn't wasn't easy. He still reaches out often but I don't feel the need to respond.

I'm no longer anxious all of the time, I get to spend quality time with friends and family without being made to feel guilty and most importantly I feel safe in my home again. Peace of mind is worth the NC.

Today would have been our third anniversary. When I went to my car at lunch there was a card on the windshield from him. I did get upset momentarily, but not because I missed what we had, but more because he continues to try to break down the boundaries I have set. I am stronger than his games and all of you are too. We all deserve to have a peaceful life. We didn't set out to be caretakers, we set out to find partners. I don't know that I can fully explain how empowering it is to know that you really are done with riding their rollercoaster. I took the card, read the thoughtful notes, and then I threw it away and went on about my day and did some shopping and dinner with family. He no longer controls how my days go.

Hope this will help someone who is still in the FOG. You will make it through. Just give it time.

-beachgirl

[Validation78]

Hey Beachgirl!

Thanks for taking the time to check in and remind us all that there is hope for tomorrow! It's great to hear that you have healed, and can receive a card from him, without getting that awful feeling that we all know! You should be proud of yourself for sticking with it, for loving yourself more than him, and for breaking free in order to open the door to new happiness! Bravo!

Best Wishes,

Val78