passed the sanity test

[lockedout]

Just to give a little background: I've been separated and as close to NC as I can get for the past 3 months. My STBex was badgering me last week over the time sharing schedule. I put in to have him a day that she didn't agree with. Because I'd originally given to her, I relented but still got the usual accusations of disrespect, monopolizing the schedule and "in need of better communications skills. It was handled via text over a 15 minute period. A couple hours later I brought him to her at a pizza restaurant where she was having dinner. My uncle had visited over the weekend and had the car seat in his car. She'd then taken it out but not put it back in her car so it was sitting back home in the garage. She stopped me as I was pulling out and looked like she was about to cry; asking to borrow my car seat. I think she hated the idea of being caught unprepared and me being the one to bail her out.

Today she texted me about meeting to get the car seat back. On top of that she suggested that me, her and our son go to dinner. I'm having an off day as it is from and event yesterday that reminded me that I still have a long way to go (a little performance anxiety on a date that went a little too well). I was walking home after losing will power in my daily run. It was hard emotionally because my first instinct would lead me to believe I was obligated to go. Anxiety kicked in and I was totally frightened of the awkwardness that would ensue. Shall we discuss my "performance anxiety" that I realized while with another chick or about the State-friendly parenting plan I spent a chunk of the day preparing for when it's time to start making everything legal? Or do I just listen to how miserable and traumatized she is from the abuse?

I think I did quite well when I simply told her that I'm not ready for that just yet. She pressed a little by telling me I'd get to spend time with our son (on the day she made me give back), but I reminded her that I'll see him tomorrow anyway. I know that we'll have such occasions over the years as he get older, but I shivered at the idea of doing it on an off day and in a somewhat fragile state. I don't know what her motivation was behind this (there's got to be more to it than merely more kid time) but I'm happy that I'm still detaching and not giving in. I don't want to give anything away to her, good or bad.

[Surnia]

  Well done, lockedout

I think I did quite well when I simply told her that I'm not ready for that just yet.

Knowing what is healthy for you and saying it and not giving in.

Keep going like this.