47yo son recently diagnosed with BDP

[Sandy73]

Hello! My son was recently diagnosed with BPD, severe depression, recurrent, and severe alcoholism  dependent. Well I knew about the alcoholism and depression but accidentally came across his discharge papers that showed the BPD diagnosis. What a shock to me but after reading up on this disorder I feel a great sense of relief. I have always known that something was not right with him. His symptoms are unstable relationships, inability to find and hold a job, blaming everyone else for his problems, drinking binges, depression and ungratefulness and feeling entitled—to name a few. It hurts me because he’s also so handsome and he can be very charming, funny, and sweet. Currently he is very depressed and is off his meds. He is visiting me tonight and will stay the weekend. He will sit here with tears running down his handsome face and tell me again how his job is draining his soul and how he can’t sleep at the sober living house because of his roommate’’s snoring. He is also $45K in cc debt and will moan and cry about having to declare bankruptcy. By the time he leaves I will feel drained and slightly depressed myself. He has a beautiful 13-year-old daughter who he complains that he never sees because she lives in another state yet will spend money on alcohol and everything else except buying a ticket to go see her. I am so thankful to have learned about this diagnosis and I have been reading everything I can find about it including the book “How to stop walking on eggshells.” I am looking forward to seeing if I can use some of the techniques in the book to not get drawn in to his miseries tonight. Oh! He will once again ask me to let  him live with me but I am determined not to do that again. It always results in him starting  to drink again and not looking for work. He has been sober for three months which is a start. I could go on and on but I’m sure others in this situation know what I’m talking about and can relate to how much they have done to try to “fix” their son or daughter with BPD. His father has not had anything to do with him for 15 years and was never a good father anyway. We are divorced. In the the good news department his brother is perfectly normal and a high achiever. But he has to hide his achievements to keep the BPD brother from feeling even worse. I’m just wondering if anybody else has been at it as long as I have and if they can relate to what I have shared. Thanks for listening!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Louski]

Hi Sandy73,

We are just trying to get on track with my 18 year old daughter’s diagnosis and have been struggling with trying to help her the last 5 years. I’m sorry I can’t say I relate to the length of time you’ve been at this, but because I live this every day can say I’m sorry for your struggles and your sons struggles and I truly understand your sadness. I hope that now that your son has this diagnosis he will try getting the proper help so he can feel better more often than not. Good luck to you on your journey learning everything you can from this site - I’ll be doing the same. Hopefully we will talk again one day with good news to share.

Hugs

[wambat]

Hi Sandy 73,
I can totally identify with your situation. You can read my posts under 'wambat' about my 45 year old son. The thing is he just recently suffered a horrific accident riding his snowmobile recklessly so now a big life change for him. I too just discovered about BPD. Wish I had known years ago as I feel it is a bit hopeless as what he really needs is counseling and he will not get that. He has cut us off recently b/c we would not drive his 8 year old precious daughters[ our twin granddaughters] over 6 hr through winter conditions so that he could have them for their birthday. We had said before that this is something we cannot do at age 75[ finally setting some boundaries] which instigated a terrible bout of abusive language in a text to us.[ not the first time to blame us for never being there in his eyes.
His ex lives close to us and we are fortunate to be able to see our granddaughters as time permits .
I have just finished reading Randi Kreger`s book which is most recent 'The Essential Family Guide to BPD". can`t recommend it enough and watch her video. The whole thing I agree is re- assuring that it is not our fault. Take care and keep in touch.
You are supported.
Wambat