Bracing for mediation

[flourdust]

Mediation is coming up this week. My stbxBPDw hasn't responded to my settlement proposal, and the budget and financials she submitted could best be described as incoherent works of fiction.

I'm expecting very little out of the session. We've already filed in court and have a case number and initial hearing scheduled.

Her attorney has sent signals that she's already having difficulty working with stbx. I think the best possible outcome from this session is that we can clearly communicate to her attorney that her case has huge holes in it, and if she doesn't negotiate using my terms as a baseline, she's going to do much, much worse in court.

[david]

Give as little information as possible. This way opposing counsel will have less to work with. Use what you have to and save the rest.

[ForeverDad]

Mediation seldom works early in a case, a pwBPD is too entitled or controlling.  So be prepared to call it a day if mediation attempts don't make any progress.  As surprising as it may sound, many of our cases do settle but later in the case and at the last minute such as just before a major hearing or trial.

[flourdust]

Yes, I'm not expecting much, and we're prepared to walk out if it's clear no progress will be made.

We want opposing counsel to know enough to realize that it's better for their client if she settles. But opposing counsel may fit Eddy's definition of a negative advocate, so that may be a lost cause.

[sanemom]

I think many attorneys just believe their clients' versions of events without question.  Then they get shocked when they get dragged into court or deposition and hear how distorted their clients' stories are.  You would think that it would only take a couple of times of being duped before an attorney would at least have their guard up, but maybe they feel they need to believe to do a good job anyway.

I hope he is not a negative advocate, but I do think many attorneys are, unfortunately. 

[flourdust]

Well, nothing really came out of it. We learned that the "other side" is in a completely different world from us, with no concerns at all about BPDw's history of behavioral and parenting problems. Though we tried to communicate that issue through the mediator, there's no indication it made any impression.

Moving ahead to our first court hearing in a few weeks... .