Will she be different?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My recent ex - BPD girlfriend has got a new boyfriend, we broke up 3 months ago. She seems to be flaunting him on social media, something she never did with us when we were together.  She knows that I used to look at her social media posts. She told me that she was even trying to communicate with me via them, posting old pictures. I don't know if she's trying to make me jealous right now and shoving this in my face or of she is truly happy with another guy.

It was only a few months ago she was calling me at 3am on the weekends saying how much I mean to her and how I was 'her whole world'... .And yet she still couldn't commit and be faithful  to me. At times she begged to see me, and it took me all my strength to say no. To give some insight, I was very very good to her, she broke up with me and started seeing and sleeping with other guys whilst keeping me around, continuing to behave like we were a couple.

I know that she felt extremely safe with me, she always leant on me emotionally. I just don't know how to feel, just really betrayed and upset that apparently she has more in a month than we had in four years.

Will this last? Is it real?

[MN]

My recent ex - BPD girlfriend has got a new boyfriend, we broke up 3 months ago. She seems to be flaunting him on social media, something she never did with us when we were together.  She knows that I used to look at her social media posts. She told me that she was even trying to communicate with me via them, posting old pictures. I don't know if she's trying to make me jealous right now and shoving this in my face or of she is truly happy with another guy.

It was only a few months ago she was calling me at 3am on the weekends saying how much I mean to her and how I was 'her whole world'... .And yet she still couldn't commit and be faithful  to me. At times she begged to see me, and it took me all my strength to say no. To give some insight, I was very very good to her, she broke up with me and started seeing and sleeping with other guys whilst keeping me around, continuing to behave like we were a couple.

I know that she felt extremely safe with me, she always leant on me emotionally. I just don't know how to feel, just really betrayed and upset that apparently she has more in a month than we had in four years.

Will this last? Is it real?

[JaxDK]

No she won't be different with the next guy. They are doomed to repeat the cycle of idealization, devalue and discard. You have to remember the disorder doesn't go away based on what partners they choose. If the guy is emotionally balanced, he is not going to put up with the ups and downs. If he has co-dependency issues/low self esteem or other, It may last longer than your relationship, it may last less. Again It all depends on the person who she's with. My ex was married to a low functioning narc for 18 years before I entered the picture.

My ex doesn't discard. She lets the other person do it for her. Her fear of being alone outweighs her fear of being abandoned, so she sabotaged instead subconsciously getting me to break up. every time she perceived I was withdrawing from her, something that happened all too many times. I was a replacement from her ex and lasted 2 1/2 years. I think my replacement can last longer. He doesn't seem as balanced. Plus he seems to have low self esteem.

My best advice would be to block her Facebook/Social Media and go no contact. You can hope for a recycle but, I haven't heard a single story where that panned out.


Also don't assume she's plastering her FB for your benefit. It could be a part of it, but it's more than likely to project an image for friends and family to see. My ex did the same after I left her. She wanted to show the world she was in control and was happy. I made a big dent when I left that triggered shame and her self esteem.

[Fishmedic]

MN, 
 
In very much the same boat. Been on and off for 6yrs though, been through hell and back with her losing her Mom 3yrs ago. Same thing, stayed at my place for the last time on her Birthday, end of April, telling me how amazing i am, love of her life, wants this to work finally, committment etc etc. I tell her we need to take it slow, work on ourselves, and it will happen the way it should. 2 weeks later she's gone, new relationship with some random dude. I wouldnt even have known, except i was out for a rollerblade at the park and saw them together. Same thing, i was so confused. Ive had her blocked on facebook for over a year, but my curiosity got the better of me and checked her instagram. Pictures of him, love of her life, souates etc etc etc etc... .after 3 weeks of "dating"... . 
She's began reaching out again, showing up at the gym while i'm there, some text messages and missed calls. I confronted her about her "stalking", she flipped it on me. Smeared my name at the gym, threatening restraining orders. Heads nothing for 3 weeks, then bam. Calls me again yesterday and leaves a voicemail. Sounds distraught, says she has paper work to have me charged, but doesn't know what to do, she worries about me as i'm losing my mind and she fears me? What? And she's sorry she called, she'll figure it out herself. I didnt respond. 
My mom said she checked out her facebook, appears to be ramping up the selfies, memes and other attention seeking behaviour. Mom says she thinks the new guy canned her. Its been about 3 months, if it hasn't happened already, its bound to soon. 
I had the same fears. Must have been all my fault. The truth is, these people are dysregulated, it's a s attachment based disorder. They need someone to cling to to survive, but that will eventually drive the other person away. She won't be different. Maybe during the honeymoon, as they love that new relationship energy feeling, but the thing about that, is it doesn't last long at all. Trust me, be prepared, she will contact you  again when things dont work out with the new guy. Then its up to you, get back on the rollercoaster, or move on for good.