Just a few minutes ago, I went into the kitchen to pour another cup of coffee. The coffee pot was empty. This is a pet peeve of mine. When someone drinks the last of something they should make more. Anyway, so I said under my breath... .I guess I wont b having more coffee unless I make another pot. My u BPD h then said he was thinking about making another pot himself and maybe I should make more so we could both have some. I was already doing this. He goes on about how we have enough coffee to make 20 pots. How as long as he is around i will always have enough coffee, gas, cigarettes, etc. And on and on and on. He was getting louder and louder. I asked him several times to stop. He kept saying if u stop I will stop. I pointed out that I had stopped and he kept insisting that I hadn't. He said my eyes were bugging out and I was being the intense one. I guess by this point I WAS getting angry but he just wouldnt and still isnt letting it go. He just came to me while I am typing this and said coffee is done. I told him I already got some. He walks away saying I love coffee... .I could drink it all day. Wth? I know this is petty but this is exactly the sort of behavior that is making me want to get the he'll away from him. Any thoughts?
There is little worse than a morning without enough caffeine to start it.
Here is a suggestion that may or may not work. When you find yourself getting triggered about something, instead of internalizing it or mumbling about it, meet it head-on, but in a different type of way.
In this case, there was no coffee. You knew you hadn't taken the last cup. You wanted more. What would have happened if you had said, "Honey, the coffee pot is empty. Would you please make another pot? I'll be back in a minute." And disappeared into another room. Would he have made another pot? My H would have, because I didn't accuse or invalidate, simply asked for that which I wanted. This might not work in your case, it depends on the person and circumstances.
My point being that sometimes we can get what we want by way of left field if we think before we act. There is no value in being upset over the coffee pot being empty. It's still going to be empty, no matter what. But there IS value in showing the person who forgot to make more coffee see that they can make it all better by making more coffee NOW.
Your H was going on and on about how there would always be enough *whatever* to prove to you and himself that he has value, even if he forgot to make more coffee. He most likely would have dropped it if you had validated what he felt: that he is a worthy individual because he provides for the household.
