The splitting and isolation is so hard

[Niulatu]

Hello Everyone,
I'm about 1 year into a relationship with an amazing girl who has went through 3 or 4 cycles.  I've been learning about bpd, I'm reading "stop walking on eggshells" and heard about this group. I don't give up easily and love her, I've told her the isolation treatment is not for me but yet it continues. I want it to work out,  it's becoming very mentally challenging for me.  Please help!
Thank you

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[Niulatu]

I just spoke with her, omg its so hard.

Can't imagine dealing with this for the rest of my life, the good times are amazing and lows are the worst

[once removed]

whats going on?

has she said why she isnt speaking to you? what led up to it?

[Pook075]

I don't give up easily and love her, I've told her the isolation treatment is not for me but yet it continues. I want it to work out,  it's becoming very mentally challenging for me.  Please help!

Hi Niulatu and welcome!  I'm so sorry you're going through this.

The bolded statement makes sense but in terms of BPD, it's also a huge challenge.  The isolation is her own insecurities creating space to process her emotions and fear of abandonment.  Asking her to stop could come off as invalidating, and it all really comes down to communication that makes her feel safe and understood.

How long have you been separated?  Are you communicating at all?  Give us some details so we can try to help.

[Niulatu]

She suddenly stopped communicating with me after having a hard day at work. We don't live together and she went silent.  Nothing happened between her and I at all. I saw her at an event 2 days after she went silent and she had bpd eyes in my opinion.  She's pretends to be good to the outside world. We spoke a few days later on the phone and she was noticeably upset,  she is from USSR and talking about feelings isn't normal to her. She told me she can't do this right now, it hurts.

I told her I was going to this restaurant a few days later and invited her to join. She didn't respond, 1 day before the date of the invitation she responds as me being some bad person.  I guess I was her favorite person and it feels she is going through me being a terrible person. 

She has went through this before telling me she is not attracted to me (before we started dating and twice during). When I was her favorite person she tells me I'm everything she always wanted.