Cheating on me and got an STD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I just found out that my partner contracted an STD which means she was cheating. She has blamed me for not being around, and isn't taking responsibility for her actions. Shouldn't I be pissed? Why have I not experienced this yet. I guess I'm hurt or in denial maybe?

[Emotions]

So I just found out that my partner contracted an STD which means she was cheating. She has blamed me for not being around, and isn't taking responsibility for her actions. Shouldn't I be pissed? Why have I not experienced this yet. I guess I'm hurt or in denial maybe?

[Fian]

So if I am understanding, you think you should be angry, but you don't feel anger.  What are you feeling?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Emotions, Maybe the question is: how is it that I'm in a r/s with a partner who thinks it's OK to cheat on me?  LJ

[Herodias]

I actually caught mine in bed with someone else on Christmas. I was totally numb at that point. I think on one hand you are shocked and on the other so exhausted that it is relief you have a genuine reason to leave the relationship and not feel bad. At least that was my feelings. You could have some of that too. Denial and /or shocked. It will be up to you what your boundaries are now.

[Emotions]

Hey guys I'm feeling pretty low and upset this morning. Day 3 NC for me and day 4 NC for her. I am blown away that she hasn't tried to talk to me. She must be all about my replacement, and not even thinking of me. Not that I'm something special, or even more worthwhile than this new guy. But we talked every day for so long, how can she just cut off so easily? Thanks anything advice would help

[Lucky Jim]

Hey emotions, What would you like to see happen?  Do you want to detach or recycle?  Hard to tell from what you are saying.  Plenty of us have done both.    If you're on the fence, suggest you listen to your gut feelings.  LJ

[DearHusband]

Emotions,

Taking the BPD out of this for a moment, you were with her for 7 years, and were very close and then she dumps you for a new guy after a very short time. No matter what, that hurts. What you are feeling is normal and it would be strange if you didn't feel that way. It is all part of the process and processes take time. Okay to cry. Okay to grieve.

Now for the advice. Stay strong. You can say how much what she did hurt, but don't try to go after her. If you do this, you will have options. You will be in control. She may come back, who knows. You may find someone else yourself after a while and realize it was the best thing that could have happened to you.

If you do try to go after her, she will always feel she has a backup. She won't come back and you stand to lose self-respect. That's a no win situation.

So hang in there. Exercise. Stay distracted. You'll get through this.

DH

[Emotions]

Thank you DH. I held off for awhile, and I texted her mother (who she lives with) just to say that I still think of her. Hopefully my ex won't see the text to her mom, as it helped my craving to reach out to her. Kind of a middle ground. I won't do this much hopefully but at least I didn't text my ex. It is day 3 and I am going to try and stay strong. Thank you for your advice, keep me coming because this is exhausting! God bless

[Emotions]

LJ I haven't recycled yet so I don't know what that feels like. If I could make a wish, I would like my ex to say she wants to live happily ever after. If not, then I want to live happily ever after with myself. I just am sick of being depressed and feeling like I have nothing to look forward to compared to the relationship. I am thankful for my life and breath and don't mean to sound ungrateful, I just want some passion again for the things that make me happy. God bless

[Lucky Jim]

I am thankful for my life and breath and don't mean to sound ungrateful, I just want some passion again for the things that make me happy.

Hey emotions, Right, get back to the things that make you happy.  It's easy to lose yourself in a BPD r/s.  Suggest you switch the focus to you.  Now is the time to return to the things that you enjoy.  LJ

[Emotions]

Thanks, had a battle with my thoughts this morning. Finally managed to go for a run and that helped the chemicals in my brain. Now Whole Foods for a nice lunch will hopefully help too. Yesterday I had a good day mentally, today is cloudy and my thoughts were trying to get the better of me. I.e. She is cooking cinnamon rolls bacon and eggs with my replacement while I sit around reading on the verge of tears/anger, how unfair. Jealousy and envy are mo fo's... .Then I took my diapers off and went for a run.  thanks for reaching out LJ it always helps!

[Emotions]

So Monday I felt better and free from the craving. Not that she didn't pop up in my thoughts, but I had more thoughts of who I am rather than who she is. Yesterday was cloudy here, and for some reason I felt depressed/angry most of the day. Today I feel better. I'm even cooking a nice breakfast doing laundry gonna go to the grocery store. So it seems to be an up and down thing, but at least it's not a down and down thing. I will always treasure the good memories with her, as I don't want to minimize them. But I also have to remember why I am on this board, and in this situation. If she is/was my "one" why am I even here in the first place, I would be talking to her not you guys